We Need To Take 'Baby It's Cold Outside' Off The Radio—Date Rape Isn't In The Holiday Spirit

We Need To Take 'Baby It's Cold Outside' Off The Radio—Date Rape Isn't In The Holiday Spirit

It's just as bad as "Blurred Lines."

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I know that we've been saying it for years and years, but #TimesUp for "Baby It's Cold Outside."

I'm sure you've heard the basic argument at last year's Christmas party. TLDR; the lyrics to "Baby It's Cold Outside" promote rape culture.

I'm really sick and tired of the invented arguments invented by people who simply can't let the song go.

Yes, I understand that it's your favorite song from childhood. No, that doesn't make it unproblematic.

Let's walk through the basic arguments in favor of the song and the reasons I STILL think we need to cancel this song.

1. "But it's a classic and we can't have a Christmas album without it!" 

First used in the 1949 film Neptune's Daughter, "Baby It's Cold Outside" was an instant Christmas classic. It's been covered by countless famous duos and featured on every Christmas album known to man.

Sorry, just because a song has been around awhile doesn't make it good. Its inherent age is not a validation of its content. Date rape wasn't acceptable in 1949 and it's not acceptable now. It's not my fault that it took society so long to figure it out.

2. "But it's cute when children sing it!" 

The 2014 Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" is notoriously cute. Two children sing the *modified* words to each other in a hotel lobby.

First, I think it's inappropriate to have children singing songs about drinking and sex. It's one thing to let your 5-year-old bop to Cardi B in the car, it's another to record children singing it. It perpetuates the idea that the song is for children. Which it is not.

Secondly, children are able to understand the basic idea of sex at age 5, but consent is a topic that often is touched on until later in their lives. So I hope you're ready to have a sex talk if you're playing this song around children.

3. "All of you social justice warrior snowflakes just can't handle it!"

I can handle nuance and I don't enjoy being a "fun sucker." However, I do enjoy encouraging healthy sexual relationships and discouraging dating violence. Therefore, songs about dating violence need to be canceled.

If you think SJW snowflakes are the worst ever, you'll especially hate Lydia and Josiah's version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" with modified conceptual lyrics.

4. "But...But... But! 'Baby It's Cold Outside' isn't about dating violence!'"

Yes. Yes, it is. Lyrics like "Say what's in this drink?" and "The answer is no" sound an awful lot like a bad situation.

As Marya Hannun from The Washington Post reminds us, there is historical context to the lyrics of the song. I accept that there is a potentially innocent explanation for the questionable lyrics. But that doesn't change the lesson it sends to young people. Unless you plan on passing the song every time it plays to talk about the historical context, it's doesn't change its rapey vibes.

Additionally, I think all versions of the song equally spread misinformation about dating violence. The typical male part is described as the "wolf" and the traditional female part is known as the "mouse." People often comment that the song is less rapey when the "wolf" part is sung by a female like with Lady Gaga and Joseph Gordon Levitt.

I couldn't disagree more and you can check out my thoughts on the importance of consent from all parties, all genders here.

5. "If we discontinue 'Baby It's Cold Outside,' where will it stop?"

Paint's 2014 roast of Christmas carols and political correctness is a great example of the criticism that often gets thrown at "Baby It's Cold Outside." You only need to check out the comment section to find people who are so sad about the state of political correctness in America.

I'm not here for it. Where will it stop, you ask? It isn't going to. Why? Because our whole society is based on the oppression of people. If you are looking for more information on equity and social justice you can learn about that here.

I will admit that "Baby It's Cold Outside" was my favorite holiday song before I experienced dating violence first hand. Now it makes me sick to my stomach to think of. For now, I'm in the search of a new fav.

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12 Gifts To Give Your Girlfriend On Valentine's Day

All of these gift ideas will for sure win over your girlfriend's heart this year!
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To all the last-minute gift givers of Valentine's Day:

Don't panic. While I know how stressful it can be to get the perfect gift for your significant other, there are so many gift ideas that people always forget as an option. The best part about Valentine's day is not the gifts you get, but rather the romantic time you get to spend with your loved one. So don't worry about how expensive the gift is, just worry about how much thought you put into it. If you are still stuck on a gift to buy for your girlfriend, here are 12 ideas to get the ball rolling for you:

1. Chocolate



Chocolate is every woman's best friend. It also can be your wallet's best friend for this Valentine's Day season. A box of chocolate can warm your girlfriend's heart for a low price.

Buy a box on Amazon.


2. Flowers



Flowers. Another common, but romantic gift for your girlfriend. Get creative with it. Throw rose pedals all over the bed, or hand her a giant bouquet all at once. Either way I am sure she will love it.

Buy them on Amazon.


3. Giant Teddy Bear



This is a gift that I always found so adorable. While it can be obnoxious to purchase and carry around, the look on your girlfriend's face when she sees it will make it all worth it. She can cuddle the bear when you're not around. ;)

Buy one on Amazon.


4. Wine



Again, another luxury that is a woman's best friend. You cannot go wrong with buying your girlfriend a bottle, or bottles, of wine. The only question you have to ask yourself when buying it is, red or white?

Buy a set of glasses to match on Amazon.


5. A Couple's Massage

Um, hello. Who wouldn't love this gift? Not only is it a gift for her, but it is one for you as well. This gift can also be surprisingly cheap. Many places offer amazing deals during the Valentine's Day season!


6. Dinner

There is absolutely nothing wrong with just taking your girlfriend to a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day. Dinner can be expensive enough as it is, the important thing to remember is to make memories that will last a lifetime during the meal.


7. A Movie



Again, nothing wrong with just going to a movie for the night. Sometimes a movie can set the level of romance you need for Valentine's Day.

Buy an AMC gift card on Amazon.


8. A Necklace



I know what you're thinking, too expensive! Don't throw away the necklace idea just yet. There are so many stores that sell such elegant necklaces, and they are decently priced as well. Check out stores like Alex and Ani, or Pandora for great deals, or just order from Amazon!


Buy one on Amazon.


9. A Ring



While this gift may only apply to a select few, imagine how memorable this day would be for your girlfriend. Do not think it is too cliche to propose to your girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Who cares how many other people do it, think about the joy it will bring her.

Buy a diamond ring on Amazon.


10. Clothes



Plan and buy your girlfriend's outfit for the night! It saves her time figuring out what to wear, and you just bought her clothes that she will absolutely adore!

Buy a sweater she will love on Amazon.


11. A One Night Stay at a Hotel



I don't think I have to say anything about this gift. You all know how romantic this is.

Buy a Hotels.com gift card on Amazon.


12. Personalized Picture Frame



A gift that is beyond thoughtful. Taking all of your pictures of memories from before and putting them together for your girlfriend is a gift that will for sure have her in tears.

Buy one on Amazon.


Please note that all items are in stock as of the time of publication. As an Amazon Associate, Odyssey may earn a portion of qualifying sales.

Cover Image Credit: Chip Party Ideas

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Being A Bystander Is Just As Bad As Being The Predator

To see the bystander effect in real life, watch "Surviving R. Kelly" and see how damaging it can be to relationships with friends and families and then get back to me.

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I will admit that I am late to the party of watching "Surviving R. Kelly" that premiered on Lifetime and if you're like me and late, let me fill you in. A docu-series consisting of six episodes (all very disturbing episodes) that recounts the abuse (physical, mental, and sexual) from multiple women who are openly sharing their stories of, well basically surviving ongoing abuse from R&B; singer, R. Kelly. The series features the survivors, old tour buddies, and old friends alike.

Many people in the docu-series said they recognized the predatory behavior that R. Kelly exhibited, like seeing underaged girls lounging around the studio or having girls sent to his house in private.

Demetrius Smith recalled that because he (and others) worked for him, they had to do whatever he wanted. A music executive said that he would see these girls and see that they looked young, but he never bothered to ask how old they were or even ask for identification. His ex-wife (and survivor) Andrea Kelly made a good point by saying that he had to have people helping him because he was too busy doing video shoots and recording songs for his albums. Musician Sparkle recounted an executive saying that he didn't care that R. Kelly was on a tape (that featured him doing repulsive things to a minor who just so happened to be her niece), he, being R. Kelly, was too expensive to lose.

Just by hearing these things, I saw that he surrounded himself with people who chose to not intervene and watched these girls, who were as young as 12 years old at the time, be abused by a man twice their age and nobody bothered to check him; nobody bothered to help these children.

I don't know about you, but that makes my stomach turn over and I get sick thinking about how grown-ups are enabling this to happen - how grown-ups are abetting human trafficking.

In my opinion, they are just as sick as R. Kelly.

If they had spoken up, multiple girls would be at home with their parents - in a loving and caring environment - and not in a prison cell waiting to be abused. They wouldn't have to worry about when they would eat next or hold their inner fluids because they were told when to go to the restroom (which just so happened to be a bucket in the corner of the room). They don't get how dehumanizing that makes a person feel because I felt like crap watching these women talk about their experience. I got so upset at one part of hearing how the employees and friends would turn a blind eye that I had to get up and walk away from the television. Needless to say, I am disgusted by not only R. Kelly's actions, but the people who helped him run his cult - his prison.

The bystander effect is real and it happens far too often, not just in the cases of R. Kelly.

People witness abuse every day and choose to say nothing (not believing someone is also enabling the behavior, just FYI). People dismiss stories and accounts of abuse daily and that's why so many live in fear, stay silent, and suffer alone. If there is a group of four or more people around someone who is being abused (or know someone who is being abused), the likeliness of them stepping in and helping is 31%. I don't know about you, but those numbers are far too low for only four or more people to intervene.

You can have as many self-defense classes as you want or implement Good Samaritan laws, that does not change the fact that far too many cover abuse or enable the continuation of abuse. People blame the victims for putting up with the abuse, but it's not as easy as packing a bag and walking away. There is a psychological block that they feel (especially if they have children) that prevents them from leaving. Statistics show that it takes a woman up to 7 times to finally leave an abuser. The bystander effect is real and it's a problem. Being a bystander may be the equivalent to being the abuser; you do nothing, say nothing, and allow for someone to be hurt repeatedly.

Help bring an end to abuse and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

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