Photos have been around since the invention of the camera. They have the power to immortalize moments - whether happy or sad. When you look back at photo albums --whether a real photo album or a Facebook photo album -- waves of nostalgia take you back to that time, triggering feelings of bittersweet reminiscence. Old friends, family gatherings, that party you spent two hours dressing up for although it ended up being a bore, it’s all there for you to remember.
As a 20-year old living in the generation of selfies, looking back at Facebook photos is a way for me to chart my growth and changes. Not just physical growth, but how much I have changed as a human being. From cringe-worthy pictures taken in middle school to posed pictures taken in high school and college, I can recount exactly what I was feeling at the moments I took those pictures and how much I valued the feedback of likes/comments. On a side note, looking back at all these pictures also makes me wonder how much time of my life has been spent trying to take the perfect picture.
With the iPhone, capturing day-by-day moments has become extremely easy. This photo-taking / selfie craze goes back to times before the iPhone came out, however. In middle school (2006-2008 for me), I remember girls always carried digital cameras in their purses - taking photos, editing them obnoxiously on Piknik, and posting it on Facebook or MySpace. I even brought my digital camera to school and took pictures. It was just the cool thing to do. Posting them online made me feel somewhat important -- “hey, look, I have friends too!”
Then, came high school, and I didn’t need my digital camera anymore! It was on my Samsung phone! The pictures came out fuzzy but nice, nonetheless. Ahh, and then, finally, the iPhone. I didn’t get an iPhone until senior year of high school but I remember on the first day of junior year, I snuck into my parents room-- took my dad's iPhone, snapped a selfie of myself in my first day of school outfit, and conveniently hit the share on Facebook button. I was happy and excited for school and felt really good about myself that day. Looking back, I’m glad I crept into my parents room in order to take that selfie, because that picture holds memories of me feeling happy. I look back at that picture and don’t feel like the same girl anymore. I instantly see my positive, happy self and it makes me content to know that I used to be that girl and I can be that girl again.
Social media played a huge role in every high school girls’ life. The amount of friends you have, the amount of likes you get on pictures, peoples’ comments/ wall posts -- these popularity markers were haunting the onlooker at home. Right when you think you left that world behind in school, all you had to do was open up your facebook account to be bombarded with images/posts of high school “friends.” The social pressure extended outside the walls of high school onto the screen of your laptop/phone/ipad/whatever. Combine this with the photo-taking craze and you were instantly in a “how many likes can you get?” competition with everyone you “know.”
When the like button first came out, it really did affect my self-esteem. That mere button had the ability of making me feel good about myself...isn’t that scary? The fact that my self-esteem depended on the number of likes was a sad thing but it is the truth of our generation. I’d spot pictures of girls with 200+ likes on their profile pictures, or 40 likes on statuses. Heck, some people could literally post the word “nothing” and get an outrageous amount of likes. The popularity contest was all around you!
Taking photos was one way of attaining self-affirmation. If I got almost as much likes as the girl who I thought was insanely popular, then I felt good about myself. And I did. I would have “photo-shoots” of myself, trying to get the perfect lighting, angle, and pose just so I could get affirmation from a bunch of Facebook “friends.”
As a student at Smith College, my amount of posts has gone down considerably. While shallow aspects such as popularity and beauty reigned in high school, intelligence is the only thing that reigns at Smith. No one cares if you’re pretty. No one cares if you’re wearing Coach. No one cares if you have 1000 friends. The only thing that turns heads in this environment of ambitious, driven women is what you’ve accomplished. Coming from a typical American high school, this environment tipped me off my imaginary stage. I didn’t want to be known as the girl who is obsessed with herself or has no other talent except taking selfies. I wanted to be known for my brain.
Although I take the same amount of selfies as any other girl, I felt like the odd one at Smith whenever I posted a picture of myself. During orientation week, one girl was looking through my Instagram and commented “there’s a lot of pictures of yourself.” Although she merely stated a fact, that comment hurt me. I didn’t want to be perceived as a conceited person AT ALL. I felt defensive, too. I mean what else is Instagram for? I can post pictures of myself if I want...everyone does!!
But the self-consciousness sunk in deeply and gradually the amount of pictures I posted of myself further went down. It was not only the fear of what people would perceive of me, it was also the realization that beauty doesn’t matter, what matters is what’s behind that face and what kind of heart you have. I should focus on working on my internal aspects rather than on capturing the perfect picture. And working on yourself is a full-time job! College is a busy place so I had much less time to take the perfect picture, anyway. I still do, but in moderation.
The biggest change I’ve noticed in myself is that the amount of likes I get on a picture doesn’t give a boost to my self-esteem anymore. The only thing that will give a boost to my self-esteem at this stage of my life is if I accomplish something. Something that reflects my intelligence and character. I’m not just a pretty face and I don’t need affirmation from strangers. I need affirmation from myself. That’s what college is about.
So to all those people who assume that an all women’s college would contain catty girls and a “mean girls” environment of shoes, dresses, looks, you are sadly mistaken. It is very much the opposite. It forces you to question what skills you can offer to the world. It’s brains over beauty in this college and that’s how it should be, even in the real world.
