In life, we all have numerous attachments to people, places, and things. Maybe you’re attached to your significant other, maybe you’re attached to your hometown, or maybe you’re attached to your phone. Whatever the case, we all know what it’s like to be attached at some point. With attachment, follows expectations. You expect your significant other to be there for you and make you happy, you expect your hometown to always stay the same, and you expect your cell phone to be the best it can be. I think everyone can relate to attachment in some way, no matter the attachment or expectations. But with all of the expectations that we put on everything and everyone, it ultimately leads to disappointment.
This is where I messed up. However, my situation is a little different. I was attached, yes. I had my own expectations, yes. And ultimately, I was disappointed, yes. However, with my own expectations, I also wanted to meet the expectations that another individual put on me. I wanted to be everything that he expected of me, and in the end, I clearly couldn’t do that.
Everything started out perfect, just as it does in every new relationship. My summer nights were spent with someone who I could potentially see myself being with for a long time, forever even. Crazy to think about at 20-fucking-years old, but at the time, he was everything I needed and more. He was a two second phone call away when I needed someone. He was there with numerous lame ass jokes to make me laugh. He was there to encourage me to go out when I needed to have fun. He was there to kiss me goodnight and and he was there to kiss me in the morning and wish me a good day before he needed to go to work. He was there to wrestle with when I needed to goof around. He was there to make me happier, but then, all of a sudden, he wasn’t.
I couldn’t help but blame myself for the longest time, and that was a really stupid mistake. It wasn’t my fault that things didn’t work out, nor do I necessarily think that it was his fault either. I think we were two really amazing people looking for love, but we met at the wrong time. They say timing is everything, and maybe for us, it was. Who in the hell really knows? Maybe we were too scared to take things any further because neither of us really wanted to get hurt. But I can’t help but think about everything from time to time, because for a long time, he was the one that made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Although, things ended with much disappointment, I wouldn’t have changed it. I mean yes, there are days when I want to be with him so much that it hurts, but we’ll find each other if things are really meant to be. I know how happy we made each other, and how much potential there was between us, and with time, we’ll see if we actually had the potential to be anything. So maybe I am disappointed now, but at the time, the attachment was something to smile about, and the expectations seemed so easy to fulfill when all I wanted to do was make him happy. I’ll take the attachments, the expectations, and the disappointments, because no matter what, it always lead me to him.
