I start writing this piece with one word circling around in my head- conflicted. Do you ever try to remember when you were younger and how you loved playing with a certain toy or going to a certain place? Well, I'm feeling that same way, but I'm reflecting on where I was five years ago- as a senior in high school.
Let me tell you, being a senior in high school is so much different than being a senior in college. Back then I felt on top of the world; I knew exactly what I was doing after, I knew the school and everyone there, I was buddies with my teachers and could do whatever I wanted with little to no retaliation. Now I'm clueless on what to do, I see strangers down every day, and some of my professors won't speak to me directly unless I send them an email asking to.
Thinking about graduating college this May freaks me out. I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do. Do I go full time into my masters? Do I take the leap of getting a job- and if I do that, do I know where I want to live? Wait, what about my friends? Will I see them ever again? Will my family be upset if I live far away?
OK, you get the point. I have so many unanswered questions I can't even think of half of them.
I know this makes it seem like I am full-on hating life right now. But when I think of the big picture, I am miles ahead of where I was five years ago. Yes, I knew where I was going to school. But I had no idea that would mean I would be finishing up my bachelor's degree halfway across the country. I didn't even think of the possibility of where I would be in my personal relationships. Or what I would like to do for fun.
The thing about life is that you can have a plan, but nothing is ever gonna go exactly how you picture it. And I'm thankful for that.
As my senior year begins I have no idea what I am going to be doing a year from now- and that is OK. What I do know is I will work hard and finish strong. I'll continue to maintain my current relationships, and be open to the idea of building new ones. I will be unapologetically myself; I realize that I will have some low points, but only surrounded by high points.
What I didn't have back then was the mindset I do now.
Bring it on, Senior Year.
