Some of the first phrases we learn when we are little from our parents is “I am sorry” and “I forgive you.” As a kid, it is a lot easier to say “sorry” to someone and to forgive someone for the wrongdoing either one of you have done. However, as we grow older and our minds mature, forgiveness and mercy seem to get a lot more complicated. When you are little, an apology and forgiveness almost seem second nature to you. You do not take one minute to process such an act. When you are older, you really think about how much a person has hurt you and sometimes it can be really hard to just to forgive and forget.

This week I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness. I got into a fight with a person that is one of the two people I am closest to in my life and I feel this huge hole in my heart. I realized that in order to fill this void, I need to forgive. However, after I made the decision in my mind to forgive and say those three words, I still feel this little break in my being. That got me to thinking more about forgiveness and what it takes to truly forgive the people we love most.

Merriam Webster defines the transitive verb, forgive as “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)”. However, that is only the surface definition. It goes back to the whole idea to the kid version of forgiving another person, the second nature part of us.

The more you love someone, the more you trust someone, and the harder it is to forgive them. You can love and trust one person unconditionally, it physically and mentally hurts when you are hurt by the other. You are so codependent upon that person, everything about the relationship is so natural. No thought goes into this relationship until something becomes toxic. You start having second thoughts about what you are doing or the other is doing in this relationship that it becomes physically exhausting to love and trust someone so deeply. You may be so emotionally drained that you hold this grudge without even knowing it. That one tiny grudge can break you just a little more that you feel this tiny little rip in the helium balloon that is your heart. The helium just keeps sucking everything out until you are left with a deflated balloon without a thought on what to do. All you know is that you hold this grudge and you have a break in your heart. You wonder what do I do next?

I just went through that process this whole week. I keep praying. What do I need to do to not only mend the hole in my heart, but also the one in my relationship with the other person? I already feel that I have forgiven them, but have I actually? I feel a little lost, Lord. Help.

Then it came; I love this person so much that I would never second guess the love we have for each other. The unconditional love I have for her is so prevalent I know it down to the brittleness of my bones.

In the New Testament of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

To me, the art of forgiveness comes from the core of unconditional love. As a kid, we love and forgive so easily because of the innocence we still hold. We do not doubt and become angered. We simply love. As adults, we have the mental capacity to process our actions before we act, but, perhaps we are getting it all wrong. In the grown-world, we need to have the innocence of a child. You will be a lot happier if you just forgive, forget and just love. It will be better off for you and for the other person.

I love this person, I forgive her. I forget what has happened. I am happier and feel lighter. However, it is going to take time to mend what was broken. I think as we grow older, we still are trying to master the art of forgiveness. We are still learning and feeling, thinking and growing. We just need to have this realization of three simple things to help mend what may be broken in our hearts: to love, to forgive and to forget.