The Art of Being Chill: How I Deal With Shyness

The Art of Being Chill: How I Deal With Shyness

Take a chill pill, but don't get cold.

When I think about meeting new people, I feel like I should be excited. What if that person is genuinely interested in meeting me? What if they ask me questions about myself, and I want to ask questions back? Most of the time, however, I just feel shy.

If someone is asked to describe me, the first word they usually think of is “chill.” I admit it, I’m pretty chill. Not much phases me, and if something does trigger my emotions, it’s for a reason. I’m proud that people think I’m chill, because being able to think and act calmly and collectively is an underrated skill.

When I’m faced with meeting new people, however, they always seem to poke through my usually thick skin. I’m not talented at conversing with new people. (Hey, at least I share this weakness with Mr. Darcy). Though I’ve gotten far better at adapting to new situations, thanks to college and studying abroad, I still tend to like routine in my daily life. For example, I write because writing is the routine of molding words, while I get nervous about talking because talking is the art of one-time words, that you can't edit or delete after you've said them. This tendency to lean towards routine is reflected in my social interactions. Once I generally know how a person acts— how they talk, how they approach certain subjects, how they use body language—I feel comfortable opening up. When surrounded by familiar people, I feel like I can relax, be myself, and not worry about saying the wrong thing.

However, when surrounded by a group of people I don’t know or at least not well, I feel myself close up. I overthink how to introduce myself, how to start a conversation, and how to respond. I do much better when another person approaches me and initiates a conversation. It helps boost my confidence knowing that a person wants to meet me or interact with me. However, I still worry about overcoming the hump of transferring words from my mind to my voice, since I always feel like I nod too much and say too many “uh-huhs” while talking to people.

I’ve found that mentally focusing on untwisting my tongue helps. If I try to erase the mental and physical block and avoid over preparing what I’m going to say, it becomes much easier. I also focus on positivity. I figured out that body positivity is incredibly important. I used to be very self-conscious about how I looked and how I acted, and this was reflected in my hunched shoulders and crossed arms. If I focus on standing up straight (even though I'm barely even 5' 2") and assume the body position of positivity, it automatically sends confident signals to my mind and body. Liking and feeling comfortable in your clothes also helps, but being comfortable in your own skin helps more.

My shyness causes me to live in my own head a lot of the time. This only contributes to my chillness. While sometimes I worry that I’ll cool off a little too much and dip into the cold end, I have to remind myself that shyness is a part of my personality. I also have to remember that how I feel I’m perceived and how I’m actually perceived are entirely different. My friends and family remind me that I’m not too awkward and I'm not cold. I try my best to warm up to conversations and new acquaintances.

So how do I stay chill? I don't let myself get worked up when it comes to trivial matters, and I try to be at peace with my shyness.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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The Football World Loses One Of Its Finest Players

Bart Starr passed away and NFL players, coaches, and fans all mourn the loss of the Packer legend, but his life and career will live on in hearts of Packer nation forever.


Bart Starr passed away at the age of 85 in Birmingham, Alabama. The NFL lost a great player. The Green Bay Packers lost a hero. And, the world lost a true gentleman. Starr's legacy has surpassed his accomplishments on the gridiron. He inspired not only his peers but the generations that have come after him. He is — and always — will be remembered as a Hall of Famer, a champion, and a Packer.

Bart Starr was a Packers legend. Starr led Green Bay to six division titles and five world championships. As the quarterback of Vince Lombardi's offense, he kept the machine going and executed the plays like no other. His mastery of the position was a large part of the Packers success in the 1960s. Starr was also the perfect teammate for the perfect team. His leadership put him in command of the Packers. Starr's time in Green Bay will not be forgotten by former players, coaches, and the fans.

Bart Starr's resume is rivaled by few in NFL history. He played in 10 postseason games and won 9 of them. He led the Packers to victory in Super Bowls I and II and won the MVP award in both games. He was the MVP of the league in 1966 and was named to the NFL All-Decade Team of the 1960s. The Packers retired his number 15 and Starr has been inducted into the Packers and Pro Football Hall of Fame.

After his playing days, Starr would become the head coach of the Packers. He could not repeat the success he had on the field from the 1960s teams. His coaching years do not take away from his legacy as one of the all-time great Packers. Starr was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1977.

One of Starr's last visits to Lambeau field was on a cold November night in 2015. Starr and his wife attended a ceremony in which the Packers retired Brett Favre's jersey number. Starr was the perfect personification of what it meant to be a Packer. His most heroic moment came in the 1967 NFL Championship Game. The Ice Bowl came down to a third and goal in Lambeau Field's south endzone against the Dallas Cowboys. Starr came to the sidelines and bravely told Vince Lombardi that he can sneak it in for a game-winning touchdown. Lombardi then replied, "Run it, and let's get the hell out of here." Starr ran a quarterback sneak for the game-winner and the Packers were off to Super Bowl II. Without Starr, Green Bay would not have won a second straight Super Bowl. His leadership in big game moments will live with Packers fans for a lifetime.

Vince Lombardi: A Football Life - The Ice Bowl

Starr leaves behind his wife Cherry, his son, and three granddaughters. Packers fans will have a tight grip on the memories Bart Starr and the 60s teams created. Starr left behind a template for being a Green Bay Packer. He also left a template for being a good man and a gentleman of the game of football. He was a competitor and a leader. Packer nation mourns for the loss of one of the finest human beings the game has seen.

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