We were at war. We've always been at war for the longest time. From the time we first had a disagreement to just before we found armistice — war raged for what seemed eternity.
We weren't supposed to be fighting for so long, no. We loved each other more than anything and it wasn't supposed to be like that. But, it was, because, well, I hated you. I hated you with a passion. I didn't want to, trust me, I really didn't. You were my one and only, my muse, my soul. You're not supposed to be so hateful towards someone you loved, but you were the exception at the time.
I don't really know when I started hating you. But, I knew there were so many reasons for me to. I'll be honest though, those reasons were selfish. I never knew I could be so selfish. You see, I wanted you to do what I wanted. I wanted you to want the same things as me.
However, you clearly wanted to have different things than me.
I know, I know — it's such a tragic, egocentric thing for me or anyone to want. I basically wanted to hold you down so you wouldn't grow into something better and greater. I wanted you to stay on my sad, miserable level. You see, I was horrible. Not only to you, but to myself. I neglected myself and wanted to stay the same. It wasn't healthy.
But, you stuck with me.
You wanted to grow into something better with me. We were one and we still are. You're my soul. You're the love of my life. You make me complete. I didn't realize that at the time, I was too full of hatred and anger. All I could think about at the moment was that you wouldn't comply with my needs. I think this was when the war began.
You always tried to get it your way. You were bright, positive, optimistic about everything. I, in the other hand, was dull, depressed, cynical. You wanted to change my mind, while I wanted you to change your mind. You stood your ground and I stood mine. I knew damn well you were stubborn, but hell, I couldn't believe you were that stubborn.
I knew you hated the fighting, the constant arguments between us. You were connected to the scale and gavel, much more than I was. You wanted peace and understatement. Clearly, I had so much disdain for you, I continued to find more and more ways to fight against you.
It's really hard to believe that someone could hate and fight their one and only like that.
It's still really hard to believe that I could hate you.
Eventually, I started to love you. I don't know what happened, but I just did. I think it started when I woke up and realized there was someone crying at 3 in the morning. That someone was you. You were trying to hold down your tears, while trying to talk yourself out of crying. You tried to smile at yourself and tell yourself your love for animals. You went back to sleep after a while. I laid there and smiled. I learned that you wanted to own a farm.
My love for you started to grow when I heard you singing. I'll be honest, you're not the best singer out there. You don't have the right pitches or anything. But, that didn't stop me from loving you and it obviously didn't stop you from singing to your heart's content. You sung off key everywhere along with the music; in the shower, when you tried to do Biology homework, during quiet hours at your dorm as you roamed the halls late at night with Train blasting through your earphones.
My love grew whenever I saw you in the mirror. Your reflection showed you. You consisted of your long hair that you refused to cut, dark circles that formed under your eyes from the lack of sleep, colored lips that were always matte and your iconic cat eyes. That's when I realized that you're beautiful.
I think that's when we finally found armistice. Once I started loving you again, you finally complied with my wants. But, my wants changed. It wasn't the same as before — I wanted you to be happy. You were finally, truly happy.