Ever since the new "thank u, next" album dropped, Ariana Grande fans have been clamoring for another tour. Ariana, known for listening to the rabid screams of her fans and for giving the people what they want, graciously scheduled one and announced the dates last month. Tickets went on sale two weeks ago, and as expected, they sold out faster than you can say "wait I didn't buy Ariana Grande tickets...This is identity theft!" By the way, if you actually didn't buy the tickets and somehow they appeared on your credit card bill, then just scream the name of your credit card company into your neighbor's mailbox and they should reply via pigeon within 48 hours. Either that or you'll get arrested for causing a public disturbance, but that's just the chance you take when you own a credit card. Sorry, I don't make the rules, I just relay them.
The tickets were bought by a fleet of high-tech bots that made it virtually impossible for an actual human to get their fleshy hands on the coveted tickets. As a result, millions of Arianators worldwide were forced to get their tickets off of sketchy, potentially illegal third party sites. Little did they know, the profit from the hiked prices on these sites would be used to fund a small lemur uprising in Madagascar. Yes, Madagascar is now run by lemurs, even more than it already was.
The concert was held in the Cobb Energy Center in Atlanta, much to the chagrin of many of Ariana's fans who could not attend. Despite these complaints, we've heard reports that the concert was an okay success. And by "reports" we mean the Snapchat story of the one person in attendance. You heard me right. There was one person in the audience. Due to the high prices of the tickets and the fact that many ticketholders were kidnapped and held as hostages in the lemur uprising, only one live person could make it to the concert. Ariana herself posted on Twitter today that, while she was grateful for the person who did show up, she felt that the concert lacked "crowd interaction", probably because there wasn't a crowd. The lone Arianator is now being lauded as a hero in her hometown. Many are asking her what it was like to share such an intimate setting with the famed singer. To this she replied, "Honestly it wasn't that great. I had seats in the nosebleed section so I didn't really get to see much of the action. But from what I saw, Ariana seemed to be phoning it in. I hope she saw my sign. I worked really hard on it." We hope she did too.
*This is fictional/satire. There was no Ariana Grande concert. Ariana Grande doesn't exist; she's a figment of your imagination.*
