I never really understood the difference in meaning behind the words "fighting" and "arguing," until I wasn't single anymore.
Couples would tell me that there were never any "fights" within their relationship, but rather, there were 'arguments,' and honestly I don't think that made their relationship sound more positive.
Arguments or fights are always bad no matter how anybody puts it and personally, I hate going through those frustrations within my own relationship when things are not going well.
But, I did learn two things which were extremely important —
- The amount of frustration and the end-result within an 'argument' is distinctly different than what is within a "fight."
- Both "fighting" and "arguing" have negative connotations, but it's the end-result and how that couple works things out that really matters.
When facing a problem, both sides are against one another and it becomes a battle within the relationship of who the 'winner' and who the "loser" is during the fighting stage.
The problem never really becomes solved because both sides are battling against each other rather than coming together as a team to find a solution and overcome the hurdle.
But, when both sides hit a state of perceiving and understanding the thoughts of each other during the problem, they hit a more mature state-of-mind and that is when the "fight" becomes an "argument."
The "argument" is not a battle of 'winners' and "losers," but rather a battle within one's-self to see if you will acknowledge what you did wrong, and whether the other person will allow themselves to forgive mistakes and finally reach a solid solution to it all.
P.S: If the argument stage sparks a hurdle of disrespectful remarks or constant yelling from each side, then it goes back to the unhealthy fighting state.
By now being in a long-term commitment, I realized that you have to take your own step-back and acknowledge that it is ok to have arguments once in a while because both sides are never going to be exactly equal-minded.
Take time to find a middle-ground and transform "fighting" stages into more-or-less an "argumentative" process that can be worked through.
It's not a battle against your loved-one, but a battle against the problem.