Imagine you're sitting in Macy's awaiting the attendant to bring out your size of the coolest flats you found. In your mind you already picked out the dresses, pants, shorts, skirts; basically you went through your entire closet and decided that you need these shoes. But you quickly discover that when you finally get the shoes to try on, they aren't fitting. You take your foot out of them and try again. You're trying to squeeeeze them in so they can fit right. You even try different angles of insertion in hopes of your foot magically molding into the shoe but it just doesn't happen. The frustration floods over you and you storm out of the store, frustrated that you're not going to have those flats to wear with your cool new boyfriend jeans and tee.
Well I got this exact feeling when I arrived in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I tried the different angles of cultural insertion. I mean, to be honest, I have always stuck out with my long legs that make my total height to come out to be six whole feet. At age 8 I was in the 110% range with my height when I went to see doctors. Not only was I different in that I have always been tall, but I was also raised to have different values and viewpoints. Having two "fresh off the boat" Polish immigrant parents forces a youngin to think a tad bit differently and dress differently as well (hence my well-known "Bella outfits"). Polish was my first language and so those conservative values always stuck and still continue to stick with me. I came into preschool knowing only two phrases: "can I call my mom?" and "where's the bathroom?". Those two phrases also came with the super swaggy Bartek brand combat boots and lots and lots and lots of decorative panty hose that every cutesy Polish girl wears.
So pretty much in the same way that I felt in preschool I felt when I got to Buenos Aires. One thing that was different this time was the fact that I actually knew the Spanish language very well. That helped with the molding into the culture. But there was still the blonde hair, height and Bella outfits (a.k.a. crazy socks with flying pigs on them and cat vans or pineapple vans depending on my mood/weather/diet/etc.).
When I first got to Buenos Aires I just felt such a weird tension between the locals. Whenever I travel I try to blend in with the locals to get the full experience that they are getting but I was never put into this type of setting such that I live and breathe in Argentina almost just like an Argentinian. It's like something was holding me back and it's just because of my appearance. Not even the language barrier. And the stares I got...jeez it makes me cringe. I'm awkward as it is when a cute boy glances at me but now I have people I don't even know looking at me as if they have x-ray vision.
In college I learned to accept the fact that I'm different just like I have been all my life. But this time it was different because of the fact that I was in a country I wasn't very familiar with and although I have travelled to Latin America before, I never felt like I got the same, curious stares. I have accepted the fact that yes, people will stare at me. Once again, I am an oddity and if I continue to be self conscious about it here I will lose the true motif of why I'm here. I am an Economics and Spanish major and if I want to benefit and enjoy myself I have to get used to the stares and weird looks. I just have to get use to the fact that Argentine shoes are far too small on me, literally and figuratively. No matter how hard I will try, I will never be a true Argentinean, but the one thing that matters the most is how I take in their culture; with respect and understanding because not everyone is the same shoe size.
