In the town I grew up in, there seemed to be more churches than anything else. All of my friends growing up were churchgoers, leaving me the odd one out. My mother was raised Catholic, my father "protestant" (I use quotations because my grandparents didn't take him or my uncle to church). We never really bothered to embrace faith as a family, save for visiting a Catholic grotto occasionally with my dad because it was on the way to my grandma's house and it was pretty.

I didn't quite know what I was missing until I reached elementary school where I was constantly shamed by my peers and even their parents for not being religious or going to church. Kids would tell me I would never get into heaven because I wasn't baptized. Parents would ask where my family and I went to church and I used to lie and say it was a town or two over, fearing the questions that would arise if I simply told the truth. Around the same time as all this, my mom's side of the family began encouraging religion. I have nothing against their attempts, they were not mean like the kids at school, but it just didn't work. My great grandmother was a devout Catholic and the crucifixes she had around her house terrified me. By the end of my family's attempt to convert me, I was borderline traumatized by any Christian/Catholic imagery. One time, I burst into tears when my grandparents were saying grace because anything religious upset me that much.

Here I am, nineteen years old and agnostic, yet religion has become an incredibly crucial aspect of my life. As I grew up, the fear of religious imagery faded into fascination. I cannot quite explain what it is, but I am obsessed with the idea of Christianity. I've read bible stories, studied religious art and even incorporated it into my own art and films. In fact, it is often the main motivator for my art. To me, there is something fantastic and enigmatic about how religion has influenced and dominated the world from ancient Egyptian gods and goddesses to Christian saints and martyrs.

Three of my short films containing religious influences, top to bottom: "Sacrosanct," "In God's Plan," "He of Cloven Hoof."

This is where I start to get confused though. I have no clue what I believe in. I am certain a lot of people might consider me a heathen or something like that. I can definitely say I believe there is a God. I don't know what he/it is, but I truly believe there must be something. I have explored many religions including Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism and even Satanism and I find good things in each, but there isn't one that I can completely get behind. I truly am an agnostic, I suppose. If you are a religious person, I am happy for you and hope it brings you peace and happiness. Please do not try to tell me I need to find God or Jesus or Allah or whoever because, if I'm meant to, I'm sure I will eventually. For now, I'll keep a respectful distance.