The fetishization, commodification, and exposure of transness and trans bodies has become rampant in the past years because transness is being seen as more accepted (read interesting). The gross interest in trans bodies, especially when it comes to anatomy, transitions, and gender performance, has only increased and is still believed, by many, to be acceptable topics to discuss with trans individuals.

Asking about a trans person’s genitals is no more acceptable than asking a cis man if he is circumcised or not, and yet these questions are extremely common to ask trans individuals online, in real life, and even in talk show interviews (looking at you Katie Couric). The fact that these questions are still asked every day of every trans person means, essentially, that as a culture we view transness as an act and not as a state of being. And yes! Gender is indeed an act performed by all (who have a gender) but by no means does sex equals gender and by no means are trans individuals pretending to be trans. Therefore, why are these questions still ok to ask? Why aren't we asking trans individuals about their experiences as a trans individual rather than trying to put ourselves in their place? Why are we not asking how to be more respectful of them? Why are we not asking how we can be effective allies? Why are we not asking them about how they experience job discrimination? How medical access can be legally denied or made all but impossible to achieve? Why are we not more concerned with the way the government treats trans individuals and the laws that make legally changing their names or getting new birth certificates almost impossible? Why is it that we would rather see a trans individual as an experiment, plaything, or zoo animal than a human?

When we start to ask if a trans person is really “committed” to their transition based on whether or not they've had “the surgery” there is a problem. The fact that experts on queer and gender theory still write papers, with little to no backlash, about how “gender isn't real” is a problem. As a community, we need to come together and realize that there are so many ways to do gender that it’s not revolutionary or “strange” at all to have people doing gender that isn't their assigned sex. And, we also need to understand that there are many reasons people do gender the way they do. Many people use gender as armor: if you can perform it well enough no one can fault you for your behavior or beliefs because it’s all about your gender. Some people do gender as a self-care act or a statement, there is, I believe, no wrong way to do gender. But, we need to start realizing that it is different for everyone and that’s OK. It’s not all about understanding someone’s gender, it’s about accepting their gender as valid and real and OK.