Take things as they come. This is something that everyone's anyone has probably been saying to them since they could hear. You can't remember who exactly told you this, but then again, you can't remember who hasn't told you this. It's a cliche, a mantra, or just a saying to some. However, I'm starting to believe in it.
I'm not gonna say, "Thank You" to the universe for getting me miserably sick and causing me to miss a midterm last week. I'm not going to say thank you for being so sick I also missed out on two assignments and the chance to be on the radio talking about my student organization's agenda and events at a time when it's crucial for us to be doing outreach.
I will say thank you to the doctor I saw for penning me in an extra day to recover on my doctor's note.
I will not say thank you to on top of being sick, having severe allergic reactions that caused me to lose vision temporarily. I will not say thank you for that lack of vision causing me to drop my phone and have it frozen for the past week.
I will say thank you due to the severity of the reaction that I was able to be seen within ten minutes of arriving at my doctor's office on Friday even though they assured me they had no walk-in availability.
I will not say thank you that I missed a deadline to turn in an essay and hours for my scholarship. I will not say thank you that I also couldn't write an article I'd been itching to talk about and submit last week. I will not say thank you for being unable to write or articulate myself and miss a deadline for an article for a new publication I am writing. I will not say thank you for having to miss my first private party bartending shift when I really needed the money. I will not say thank you for missing my first volunteer shift at a local market when I really needed the hours and the groceries.
I will say thank you for having 3 powerful women such as my editor, my boss at my work study job, and my manager at my new job allow me to take time off from writing and bartending and sincerely wish me well.
I will thank my teachers who are allowing me to make up all my assignments, a midterm, and let me turn in my hours sheet late.
I will not say "thank you" to missing several important phone calls due to having a broken phone and messing up my chance at receiving food stamps and almost missing the deadline to submit the follow up papers for childcare assistance.
I will say thank you that with support and fax machine access of my parents that I was able to send in childcare assistance forms and may have a chance to reschedule a food stamp interview.
I will say thank you that I got a check in the mail from a shift a while back, that my work study job check posted, and found an old wallet with money in it all in the same day.
I will say thank you for my 8 week course being over and that I was able to get an A.
I will say thank you that I was able to rest enough to study for and do what I think was allright on a midterm this past monday.
I won't say thank you to being crippled with anxiety and depression throughout my illness and not being able to feel rested, feel useful, accomplish anything academically, accomplish anything in my writing, accomplish anything with my activism work, or organize my house as I had wanted to do last weekend and this week.
However, I can say thank you to a teacher who canceled a day of class this week so everyone could recover from the exam they just took and to the same teacher who is offering an extra credit opportunity in the next class.
I can say thank you for my academic department for throwing a lovely mixer with free Cane's chicken, texas toast, and lots of Diet Coke on a beautiful day when I didn't feel like leaving my room or buying or cooking food.
I can't say I haven't been stressed out and anxious and have actually missed 2 opportunities to table for my organization in hopes of gaining members and supporters so that I didn't have to take on baking, working, and fundraising a multi campus bake sale by myself. However, I can say I'm happy that my committee members have my back, that they're willing to help me bake, help me sell, and that my lovely boyfriend double cleaned the kitchen so I have a place to make a baking mess at. I did get offered a title as director of fundraising and get an opportunity to start training to volunteer as an advocate for an agency I love and support. I wasn't able to make it to every event I wanted to but I did make valuable connections and secure more donations for the fundraising events in the next week. I was even able to get someone to pick up a power tool that was taking over my kitchen and agree to trade it for a couples massage for my partner and I so we have time to relax.
I think that as some things crash other things fall into place. I think as someone who goes through manic depression, anxiety, and is always very busy and never feeling good enough, it often feels like I'm dug so deep into a whole that I can't get out of it. But with a good attitude, some coping mechanisms, and the ability to ask for help- things will get taken care of.
I missed out on a fully funded conference out of state on an issue I'm passionate about that I worked really hard to apply for and was really excited about, but I'm also going to be able to most likely get funded for that next year and plan for it better. I didn't clean my house and have a yard sale last week, but I can do that this weekend and have a whole night off to prepare to do so. I lost a coworker and a friend and now instead of being out of town for his services, I'll be around people he loved and who have fond memories with him. I'll be able to spend that morning taking my kid to a pumpkin patch with my boyfriend and mom instead of in an airport. I was overwhelmed when I realized my new 8 week course would be 4 hours long and thinking I had so much homework to makeup as well as several writing assignments and was starting to think about dropping the course. I showed up after three back to back meetings unprepared as I didn't have time to do the reading and walked into a passionate teacher who was simply under the weather. He introduced the course and I was amazed at how much I connected with the content immediately. He created an assignment due the next week in lieu of class discussion and dismissed us 3 hours early as he was sick and needed time to recoop.
I used that time to do work I hadn't gotten a chance to do, organize my school bag, make a calendar of obligations since I was feeling lost without my phone calendar, and send out emails that needed to be sent. I came home to fresh laundry, a clean kitchen, clean room, clean bathroom, mail I wanted to read, and breakfast for dinner even when I had leftover chicken.
I think the point of this is that sometimes life throws wrenches at you and then they may throw a chainsaw after that. I think I have been really unlucky this past week and have also been downright lucky. I think that the universe has a way of giving you room to breathe and if you're able to sit down, make a list of what needs to be done, how to get it done, and who can help you, it'll probably get sorted out.
For example, normally when I'm super anxious and depressed my skin acts up and sets war on my face and causes colonies of new blemishes and angry pimples. In this case, the steroids I'm on due to my allergic reactions helped dry those out. The steroids also give me headaches and make me sweaty but because the weather is changing and I've been upping my water intake, I am able to manage it a little better than in the past.
I took time to go grocery shopping on a night when I felt obligated to throw myself into work and took time to cook a meal and sit and eat it and I immediately felt better. I escaped stomach pains from shovelling takeout or leftovers in while standing up in the middle of five projects. I also was able to prep for the bake sale I'm going to be a part of and organize my kitchen a little bit. I paid my entergy bill on time. I didn't get a chance to pay the sewage and water board, my parking ticket, or find my car's registration and go get a brake inspection, but I made groceries and paid my energy bill. It's about taking these as they come and honestly making due with what you got. Last week, I had several items to try and get rid of and just a few bucks and not enough groceries for a few days. I was able to successfully make returns and use that money to buy the groceries I needed so I could feel good about cooking for myself.
I've been able to use my insomnia to get my thoughts down and brainstorm ideas. That's a blessing in itself. I woke myself up early today to drive someone somewhere and realized it feels okay to get up early and that I could do it and also that I could let myself sleep in once I got home. I did small things for myself like bought local honey for tea to help my throat and picked up some Dark Chocolate Almond Milk that I could eat cereal with so I wouldn't leave the house hungry in the morning, spend money at school, or feel sick from dairy milk. I put up art work and decorations that had been laying around so I felt more at home in my own space. There's ways to use the downs for good and to make the most of most of things as they come. I think people forget to appreciate the small things that make them feel alive or bring them happiness. But I think these are some of the most important things to remember to appreciate.
Take things as they come and be okay with living like that.