I grew up in the Catholic Church. When we first started going to St. Joseph's, I adored going. Every Sunday, my family would get up early to go to the children's 9:15 mass at the church in the town over from mine. I would sing in the children's choir with so much pride and excitement. I absolutely loved everything about it -- going to practice after school on Thursdays, spending time with the lovely choir teacher, even learning the songs. Our priest in the church was one of the most outgoing, fun loving people I had ever met. He made church fun to go to and easy to relate to. This was around the time when I made my first communion. I couldn't wait to be old enough to receive the Body of Christ with all the adults at the end of mass. It felt good to be so grown up and apart of the mass.
Years went by, and going to mass started to become like a chore. I was reaching that age where all I wanted to do was sleep in on the weekends and have sleepovers. Going to church early on Sunday morning prevented these sleepovers from taking place. Although I didn't actually hate going to church, it felt like I was being forced to go. Now that I was older, CCD became a biweekly event called "Edge." I actually really enjoyed going to these meetings at my church with kids my age, yet it still felt like a chore. I was losing sight of what I had loved about it before.
A couple more years went by, bringing me to confirmation time. At this point, I was starting to enjoy church a little more. I had a great relationship with my parish -- I made a lot of friends from the other town that attended our parish. I also had a few of my friends from high school alongside me. The leaders of my "Edge" night were super relatable and easy to talk to, making it fun to go to church. It started to feel like I was really becoming an adult as I picked out my confirmation sponsor and saint name. The only thing that I dreaded was taking notes on the homily. It felt like such a force to be going to mass only to take notes so that I could pass my CCD class and get confirmed. I looked forward to being done with it.
When I finally got confirmed, I felt relieved. I was convinced that I would become one of those adults who only went to church on Christmas and Easter because I had no obligation to be there. There was no more CCD, no more taking notes on the homily, no more real draw. Luckily, I was very wrong. I ended up continuing to go to mass every Sunday with my family. Sometimes, I even went on my own to the Teen Mass at nighttime. It became a routine part of my week just like it was when I was in the choir.
Looking back now, I appreciate everything. I appreciate my parents signing me up for the choir. I also appreciate them continuing to force me to go to CCD every week along with mass. I appreciate the leaders of the "Edge" program who spoke from their hearts about their experiences with God and how He has helped them get through some tough times. I appreciate the leaders of "VBS" (Vacation Bible School) who made it fun to teach little kids about their faith every summer at camp. Some of my best high school memories were made there. I appreciate everything now that I am mature enough to realize how important it all really is. Going to church shouldn't be a force -- it should be a reward at the end of the week to sit back and reflect on how fortunate we are. Or, in some cases, pray for forgiveness and help.
To this day, I still attend mass as often as I can. I served as a Eucharistic Minister at my church on a regular basis until I went away to college. Although it has been difficult to attend weekly while away, I can proudly say that I have made an effort to go to a church near my school a few times in hopes of feeling at peace. The Catholic Church has become a comforting place to me.
In all the years that I've attended church, there is one line that really hit home for me. The priest who I mentioned before, Father Mark, used to utter these words every day in church and at VBS. Although Father Mark isn't with us today, he is with us in spirit. Every time I think of him, I think of the words that he was famous for around our town and our parish. "I'm wonderful, God loves me." These are words that I still live by to this day, even when I haven't been able to speak to God at church in a while. I'll never again think of church in a forceful light because I genuinely appreciate the fact that I was able to grow up in such a great community.
