Leaving my hometown to go to college never really felt like a question to me. I say this often and I always mean it very sincerely, but to go to the college that most of my friends would end up at after graduation just wasn't what I wanted to do. In saying this, I understand why people would get a bad impression of me and how I feel about the town I grew up in. This article is my apology to those who I slighted every time I spoke the words "God, I can't wait to leave for college".
A 178-mile distance from my family--the friends that always stuck with me--and a hometown that I genuinely have nothing but love for are where I live now. The general impression that I gave people was that I couldn't wait to get out of out tiny town in the middle of nowhere, but they don't understand that our tiny city never held anything more or less for me than the love of the people in it, and I was ready for more. I am sorry to the friends that I left with the impression that their decision to stay home fell beneath my decision to leave. I am sorry to the family who I left feeling like I thought our town wasn't good enough. My town stopped feeling like where I was supposed to be long before I left, but the people I moved away from never stopped feeling like home.
The choice to go away for college, stay home, or not go at all is very personal and ever-changing. I am not sorry for my decision; I don't think I ever could be. My new city holds a life that for once feels entirely my own which is equal parts amazing and terrifying. But my tiny hometown holds the people that I know will put me back together when the weight of being alone is too much. My little hometown is just a little hometown that will never be recognized by people when I talk about it at school. It will never be present on a map of major cities in our state or country. It will probably never mean much to me, honestly. Home for me is the place that the people I love hold for me in their chaos. Home is the phone call when someone misses me and the hug when I see them again. Home is not confined to coordinates, and that's why I was able to leave.
I am sorry to those I hurt when I couldn't wait to get away, please just understand that I knew I was leaving a place, not the people.