Lizzie and Kate,

It sucks that you guys have to grow up in a country that values women for how they look. You two are beautiful, and I am not just saying that as your sister but as an objective third party. Still, your outer beauty shouldn't have to matter as much as it does.

It sucks that the TV shows available for you to watch all show thin, stereotypically beautiful women as the heroes. It sucks that most of the clothes at your favorite stores are in smaller sizes; you shouldn't have to believe that if you gain any weight, you won’t be able to dress in style. And if I am being 100 percent honest, my behavior has sometimes sucked as well.

The thing is, I owe you two an apology—because when I compliment you both, I go straight for your looks. Please know that I don't mean any harm by that. In a world that tries so hard to tear down its women for their appearances, I am only trying to remind you of just how beautiful you are.

But I’ve realized that by doing this, even though my intentions are good, I’m only buying into our sexist, appearance-based culture. Not only are you both extremely beautiful, but you are also funny, intelligent, charismatic, witty, talented, artistic, kind and so much more, and I should be reminding you of those things as well.

When I was in fourth grade, I was playing by myself on the blacktop one day after school when my third grade teacher walked by. He stopped and said to me, “You’ve lost weight since last year!” He only meant it as a compliment, but I was confused. It was only later, when I told my mother and saw her reaction, that I realized how out of place he’d been.

I remember the months and years afterward, feeling extremely self-conscious of my size, the clothes I wore, and how others would judge me based solely on how I looked. How dare he imply to a fourth grader that she had been overweight? How dare he value my appearance over my intelligence, my kindness, my sense of humor?

And how dare I, after dealing with self-esteem issues as so many do, send the message to you two that your appearance is the most important thing about you?

I am sorry that I complain about my body in front of you. I am sorry that the world does the same. You are two of the most beautiful young women I have ever known, and that includes your inner beauty, and that is because of it. I am going to do better. I never want you to second-guess yourself or your worth simply because of your looks. If our society judged people based off solely their inner goodness, you two would be the most beautiful of all.

Love,

Emily