You are getting damaged goods. I am sorry. The woman that you will one day cherish more than anything is crying herself to sleep because she can't block out the lies. The woman whose radiant smile and breathtaking beauty will steal your heart is struggling to love herself and how she looks.
If you only knew how many tears I wasted on that boy who I thought was the one, but changed his mind.
If you only knew how many nights I wasted staying up wondering if I was good enough to be loved.
If you only knew the number of times I thought I would never find you. Like now, that thought fills my head again.
If you only knew how badly I want to have "a person" in my corner. Fighting with me. Cheering for me. Loving me.
I am sorry for all the times when I felt anything less than perfect. If you could see me now, oh if you could only see, you would tell me that I mean the world to you and make me laugh and remind me of how beautiful I am to you. How I inspire you, how you love me.
But you're not here. Not yet.
I am sorry for the one time I skipped that meal. Okay, maybe two. If only you were there, you would have made me eat.
But you weren't there.
I am sorry for not praying for you like I should. I am sorry for not always having God at the front and center of my mind. For not preparing myself for your arrival. I hope you pray for me. I hope you think of me when you go on a date with a girl. I hope you keep your future wife in the back of your mind. I am sorry for all the times I didn't.
I wish you were on nights when all hope seems lost. I wish you were here. But you aren't.
One day. Maybe one day soon, you will be here. You may already be here and we just don't know it yet.
Oh, how life will change when you come. It will never be the same.
