Anxiety has been a huge part of my life that makes things harder to do. Most people know me as the bubbly, happy, and driven Hannah. I work hard and work towards the goals that I want for the long term goals. I am fast paced, and there really isn't much time for rest. However, being this driven is a huge mess for myself.

During the years, I have been learning how to cope with my anxiety, and now that I am in a new setting, the adjustment has been a bit more overwhelming. When things are under my control, stress levels are fairly low, and I can figure out what I need to the best of my ability. But for some reason, college and the amount of control I have here is keeping my stress level so high that I am having panic attacks every other night. I have crying spells. And I always lose sleep.

I learned that anxiety makes me lose my appetite, but low blood sugar makes my mood out of control. The worst of it all, is that I love being in control. So, I am constantly in this pickle where I can't budge to find the sweeter side of things or the sour ends of things.

My anxiety has been control my mood, my food, my decisions, and mostly has been hurting my life. Although I am exhausted I am constantly overthinking and losing my mind about everything I need to do, and while my brain is telling me to do everything, I am trying to shut everything down. I lose my mind trying to fit in a schedule, but I lose my mind doing nothing. I feel like I don't deserve a break while in college because I want to experience so much.

I wish I knew how to control my anxiety so that I could experience college to the best of my ability. But I can't and I don't understand how I am supposed to cope with everything. In the end, I know that structure will help in the end, but for now, I just want to be able to experience what I can without losing everything I worked hard for.