What It’s Like To Have Anxiety Third-Wheel Your Relationship

What It’s Like To Have Anxiety Third-Wheel Your Relationship

A young couple, madly in love. The two of them against the world. Almost.

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When romantically involved with another, one may have to tear down your walls and reveal a vulnerable side to yourself. You may divulge inner thoughts that you never expected to unveil. To show a side of yourself, you have kept buried for so long. A darkness revealed into a relationship that should be of light and love.

Anxiety and/or depression at times could be your closest friend, and now another has entered your close circle. Your boyfriend/girlfriend has become your best friend, and at times your mental illness will not appreciate that. It will try to squeeze its way in back into your life just when you thought everything was going so well. You feel as if they lurk around every corner on every date. Watching closely, waiting for you to drop.

When it's time to tell your partner of your third wheeling fiend, do not fear. They will be more understanding than you could imagine. They can help you tolerate and/or eliminate your dark friend that lurks around. They can help lift you out of the shadows. The raw honesty could even bring the two of you closer and stronger.

For myself, my boyfriend embraces this darkness I carried. He accepted it as a part of who I am and what he signed up for when you fell in love with me. He did not allow my haunting friend to destroy our relationship. It became only a shadow. A shadow of darkness. Forgetful enough that at times, I did not even notice that I carried this burden. Other times, it places it's hand on our conjoined hands while we walk down the street. Your partner's warmth will dissolve that coldness that wishes to enter into your love.

There will be times when life feels like it's crushing down on you. Darkness engulfing every part of your day. Maybe even your relationship. Do not be afraid to ask your partner for help in these times. They will help you see the light of life.

With my boyfriend, he helped me see a whole new side to my life. I found color and brightness. With him by side, I can see a future full of happiness and love. The trap of anxiety and depression cannot overpower us.

I discovered that my mental illness is apart of me. He embraced my flaws and showed me how to battle these scars. To tear down my walls to become healthy. That I should not be ashamed of anxiety/ depression, but I can battle it. And with my boyfriend by my side, we are undefeatable.

Allow yourself to be open to love. Do not let your dark friend control your life.

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Goodbye To The Boy Who Sexually Assaulted Me, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

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*Content Warning: Sexual Assault*

You destroyed me.

You took away my innocence.

You were able to take away my dreams and aspirations.

You were able to shut me down in ways I didn't know to be possible.

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

Broken trust, that is what you left me with. A broken sense of stability and love. Sometimes I sit and wonder why you thought it was okay to take advantage of me? Why it was okay to hit, and belittle me? You had me left feeling foreign to my own body.

But then I realize it is not my fault, it is yours. This is not a cry for help or an avenue to get attention this is me raising awareness that not only did you hurt me but others are experiencing the same thing you put me through.

My innocence was taken by you without consent. I sat in my room for hours after that night thinking of ways to end the life I was given. I spent countless nights waking up screaming with tears rushing down my face. I spent the majority of my future relationships scared of ever letting myself feel again. I was forced to take avenues of help like therapy appointments and trying different depression medicines. All of this resulted from the 30 minutes you could not control yourself.

Yes, you destroyed me. But now I'm stronger than ever, you will never be able to hurt me again.

With all of the pain and endless nights of contemplating my reason to live, I found strength, I found a way to share my voice and help others experiencing this pain. I am stronger now than I ever thought possible.

I wake up every day now appreciating the things in life that matter most to me, like the love my boyfriend has for me, the amazing family I am blessed with, and the amazing friends that helped me through this experience. I have learned that fighting for my life was worth it and I was not going to let you take that away from me.

I will not stop sharing my story, I have learned that sharing my experiences of sexual assault has let others feel less alone in the scary process that you, unfortunately, put me through. What you did to me was not okay. But through this, I have understood and realized my worth in this crazy rollercoaster we call life.

I found strength in the moments you made me the weakest, and I'm no longer looking back.

I have hope that other survivors will understand that their life is just as valuable. There is a bigger fight for happiness and finding it is not always the easiest but the journey getting there is worth it.

You ARE strong.

You ARE worth it.

It's NOT your fault.

You're NOT alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

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A Reminder That Your Best Is Always Enough

Don't let the stress of the season wear you down; just keep doing your best!

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Life gets overwhelming. For me personally, adjusting to college has been a whirlwind of finding new classes and studying habits, meeting new people and balancing school with a social life, and applying for jobs, scholarships, and now, apartments. This whole "adulting" thing is hard. It's not easy to find time to do everything you have on the agenda, on top of keeping yourself healthy mentally and physically. This pressure has been getting to me lately; I have so much to do before the end of the quarter and my stress levels are rising continuously. Of course, I'm excited about spring, the end of the year, and the excitement that next year will bring. But in the meantime, we all have a lot on our plates.

Personally, I've really enjoyed this first year of college so far, but I have felt the stress and pressure of it all, especially through this past winter quarter. I've been studying French for years now. This has been my first year of taking university-level French classes, and I've really been enjoying them. At the same time, though, it's been a lot of work to push myself to the standards of my professor and feel like I'm actually reaching fluency. As I'm sure many language learners can relate, I've reached a certain point in my studies that I feel I've reached fluency in comprehension, but I still hesitate in speaking the language and I get nervous about making mistakes orally.

I know that the solution to this roadblock is practice. I listen to French songs, watch movies and videos in French, and read French news articles and Tweets. Still, I don't feel like I have the time that I need to commit to becoming fluent. In addition, this year introduced me to the zero-waste routine. Although it's been an incredibly rewarding effort, it takes a lot of time, money, and dedication. Living in a dorm with a very small kitchen has made it difficult to truly practice the zero-waste lifestyle I hope for. Although I've reduced my waste immensely in shopping practices, there are still many ways that I could cut back on waste if my budget or living space allowed for it.

I do my best to practice what I preach, but sometimes I find myself taking the more convenient, wasteful route. My campus offers lots of ways to recycle and compost, but still, I can never escape the non-recyclable plastics that I have to throw away.

In reflecting on these thoughts the past few weeks, I have realized that all I can do in facing these hardships is my best. I'm reminding myself that I am not alone in my stress and personal dilemmas. Springtime tends to be insanely busy for me. As the school year wraps up there's a lot to do. I know that these next few months will fly by, so my goal is to stay productive and busy to keep myself happy and as stress-free as possible!

So, here's to each of us trying our best. Remember that pushing through struggles often results in a stronger, more confident version of ourselves. Keep up the good work; enjoy the spring weather and let it inspire you to stay on top of what needs to be done. Take care of you, and remind yourself that your best is always good enough!

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