We experience anxiety after a loss because losing someone we love propels us into a vulnerable place. Facing this human truth, about life's unpredictability, can cause fear and anxiety to surface in unexpected ways. But why does anxiety worsen the days leading up to a passed loved one's birthday? I interviewed some women from around the country to help us better understand this foreboding feeling. Read through these stories and statements and then take a moment to digest before continuing to read the rest.

I am 46 now. I was 21 when my mother passed away. She was only 43. I have so many feelings and emotions about it. I feel strange that I am "older than her." I also worried I wouldn't live past 43 since she didn't. Especially when at 43 I was diagnosed with cancer! But here I am at 46. I am still in denial that she is gone, even after all these years. We did everything together" - Anonymous

My Mom was 53 and I was 20 when she passed. I am 34 now... but it still affects me every day. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression. I still struggle on her birthday. I either hide away in my bed or try to distract myself. Almost 14 years later and I still break down on her birthday. I have anxiety about dying at a young age because I have asthma - which is what killed my Mom. - Kathleen, North Carolina

My birthday is January 27th and my Mama's was January 28th. She was 19 the day she had me and turned 20 the next day. She died when we were 47/67. It is harder than any other special occasion, hard to celebrate. -Anonymous

I didn't lose my Mom that young but my Dad was 56 and I was 23. Sudden death too. It's impossible to wrap your head around it for so long. I never thought I would lose my Mom (until she was older like 90 or so) based on the fact that I lost my Dad so young. However, she died a few years later. - Anonymous, New York

When we lose our "home" it makes us realize our own mortality and it is scary - Anonymous, Pennsylvania

I lost my Mother July 5th, 2020 after a very short battle with lung cancer. Cancer took her away way too soon at the age of 56. I have horrendous anxiety regarding death that has been quite debilitating, especially with 3 small kids. - Anonymous

My Mom was 78 when she went in for an outpatient procedure. She died 2 days later. My anxiety is off the charts. I worry so much about losing my Dad. I am not the same person as before nor will I ever be that person again. -Anonymous, Chicago

Thanatophobia is a form of anxiety characterized by a fear of one's own death or the process of dying. It is commonly referred to as death anxiety. It is important to note that anxiety does not always equal or result in a panic attack. It is also important to understand that everyday anxiety differs from the anxiety I am writing about. Take for instance the worrying feeling of paying bills, landing a job or a case of nerves and sweat before a presentation. These feelings are "normal" and most people can say they experienced them at some point in their life. Abnormal anxiety includes unsubstantiated worry that causes significant distress in everyday life. This kind of worrying might bring out a panic attack, but might also result in isolation, anger or tears.

It is impossible to say death never crossed my mind before my Mom passed away. Whether it was a real story on the news or a character on a television show, movie or in a book - death appeared everywhere. However, once my Mom passed away the idea of death seemed to linger daily. Realizing my own morality could happen any day is frightening. I am in my 20s and can only hope I have decades left of my life. Nightmares of death became reoccurring when my Mom passed. I would say multiple times a week - and even more when my Mom's birthday was coming.

Sometimes the anxiety of my own death or another loved one's death becomes so profound I need 'proof' that everyone is okay.

I need you to tell me what time you will be home - and let me know if you will be late. I need to be in daily communication (phone call, text, social media) to see that you are okay. I would panic if a message was not returned after an hour. For months after my Mom passed, I would fear when my cellphone rang. The death of a loved one is always hard, no matter how you lose them. That said, when you're expecting someone's passing for weeks or months in advance due to a long illness, you have some time to start wrapping your head around what's happening. When a sudden death occurs, like my Mom's, you start to worry this will happen with anyone and everyone.

But again, what does this all have to do with a birthday? And why do birthdays seem to bring out the most anxiety? My Mom should have turned 60 today. Realize how I said "should" and not "would." Because she should be here for her 60th. We should have family and friends come together to celebrate. We should be able to joke to her about being old. Her birthday makes me realize all over again just how young she was when she passed away - and just how young anybody can be when they die. It makes me realize that she will never have future birthdays. It makes me dread my own birthday and getting older. It makes me fear for everyone close to me. And it makes me wonder, where exactly is she? Will she "see" me graduate graduate school, "see" me become engaged, "see" my wedding, "see" me create a family? What really happens when someone passes on?

Death is not often talked about. By facing it, we're forced to accept the reality of the situation—that death is inevitable—so we choose to tiptoe around the topic until it's too late. Our society needs to rid the elephant in the room. It certainly is not an easy topic to discuss but we need to talk about it. If our friends, family, colleagues, and society as a whole can learn to talk about it, maybe we can learn about our anxiety instead of ignoring it.

As my Dad told me, "we may be able to move forward with our lives, but we will never move on"

Happy Birthday Mom. I will always love and miss you💔