My Anxiety Doesn't Define Me
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

My Anxiety Doesn't Define Me

We all have our demons.

190
My Anxiety Doesn't Define Me
Apollo Magazine

I am not unlike any other adolescent. I go to school and maintain a job. I enjoy the company of my friends and family, trying to find the perfect balance of work and play. Some days I sleep too late; other days I wake up to relish in a balmy sunrise with bitter coffee. I don't have it all figured out, but I see the silver lining — the power of experiencing new things.

But we all experience bouts of self-doubt. Our world can seem filled with over-achievers, making our own accomplishments appear meager. Comparison kills, yet we find ourselves doing it anyway.

I try to remain optimistic about who I am, my circumstances, and the future right in front of me. I can say that I am quite happy, but like many other people, I find myself plagued by anxiety. I've discussed this before, but I wanted to give a more intimate account of the conflict it produces, and how it is a catalyst for paranoia and even depression.

I have always had an intensely difficult time discussing my anxiety and paranoia with other people; I don't want to see their reactions. I don't want to watch them stumble over words, trying to help me find a solution that isn't there. Most of all, I don't want the sympathy. When my anxiety speaks, it scares all other assets of me away. All of a sudden I am unconfident, difficult to talk to, and incredibly standoffish. When my anxiety speaks, it echoes for everyone to hear, driving me to build walls and keep everyone out.

It comes without warning and leaves me vulnerable. All of a sudden, I lose all sense of rationality, and the paranoia soon follows. All I can hear is how I'mtoo difficult to deal with, that I'm just a burden on everyone's shoulders. Anxiety speaks and wreaks havoc, leaving depression in its wake.

When anxiety speaks over all the good things in my life, all I can see is the ugly. I can only think of all the mistakes I've made, the people I've disappointed, and the idea that if anyone dislikes me, they are completely right to do so.

Anxiety speaks loudly and traps me in a cycle of bad outbreaks and apologizing for them. I have to say sorry over and over again. Sorry for being irrational. Sorry for being needy. Sorry for existing. Sorry for always having to say sorry. This is my vulnerability, the storm raging in my mind, feeling like I'm just a time bomb waiting to explode and hurting everyone I love. But I say I'm okay. Because I guess that I am always okay.

Yet, there is a silver lining; when the calm comes in and the clouds clear up, all the beautiful things in my life are suddenly amplified. My heart stops racing and my hands stop shaking, and then my view is like steady waters. It's like when flowers still bloom after being stepped on, and everything is okay.

My anxiety can speak as loudly as it wants, but it can't deafen me. Every single day has been an opportunity to get better, and to make my life more vibrant so the negative voices are futile. I figure that finding the good in the bad is the product of resilience. Every time I quiet my voices of anxiety and self-doubt, it makes it harder for them to come back the next time around.

What I've learned is that it has never been anyone's fault, and it's no one's battle but my own. We all have struggles that speak loudly, but they are what mold us into who we are. I have my bad days, but I know better than to let them define who I am, because all I can see is the good. Everything is alright, and I am still standing.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

933396
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

109649
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

56090
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments