Anxiety, defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, unease, typically about something with an uncertain outcome; a little bit of it is a normal part of our everyday lives. We may worry about things like being late for work, if a relative in the hospital will recover, or whether or not the party we planned will go well. Imagine what it would be like if worrying about these and other smaller things were on your mind 24/7. That is what it is like for me and for other people who suffer from anxiety disorders.
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) at a young age, but I never realized how it affected me until I reached college. When I was younger there were times in school where I found it difficult to concentrate on many things, I was always worrying about what was happening around me, more than I felt I needed to, but I could never stop, no matter how hard I tried. I was starting to think that people would notice something was wrong with me and that made me start worrying even more. No one ever seemed to notice though, and I managed to get through grade school, middle school, and high school just fine. When I got to college though my anxieties did take a turn for the worst. It was hard to stay relaxed even when my projects and assignments had already been done, and sleeping at night and staying asleep became increasingly difficult.
That’s just the type of things that anxiety does to you though, and it’s difficult to get control over it. I don’t feel right using the word suffering some times when I talk about having an anxiety disorder; I’m not suffering from a terminal disease after all. However, suffering is an appropriate term to use when it comes to some of the circumstances. I consider it suffering when you feel like you are drowning or stuck inside a glass box and there’s no way out. I also consider it suffering when all of these words and emotions are building up inside of you but you can’t find the words correlate with them. Even when something gets you so upset that you can’t stop yourself from crying and your body won’t stop quivering as you cry.
Sometimes people just don’t understand it sadly. They accuse us of getting ourselves all worked up on purpose, whether it be for the attention or sympathy, or sometimes they just simply say “calm down,” “get over it,” “let it go,” or “stop worrying.” I understand that it is not always meant to be hurtful, but sometimes hearing those things hurts more than it helps. It is not that simple if I could make it stop I simply would, but I can’t. I can’t stop my thoughts from racing and keeping me awake at the darkest hours of the night. I don’t enjoy seeing only the negative factors of situations. I never want to cancel plans last minute even when I really want to hang out with friends, but I do.
It has taken time, but I have found ways to cope with my anxieties. I have conditioned my brain to think about the positives as soon as the negative thoughts enter my mind, and I have thought of ways to handle a certain thought or situation. I cannot plan for everything thought sadly when an anxiety attack hits me I cannot stop crying and I can’t tell you what is wrong, all I can do is let it happen until it stops.
For people out there who also suffer from anxiety disorders, know that you are not alone. You can learn how to cope.
And for people who know someone living with an anxiety disorder, it’s not an illness or a disease, it’s a way of life. You don’t have to agree with it, but at least try to understand.
