After my ex-boyfriend of two years dumped me, I fell in love with one of my best friends. I thought that all my worries would fade away, but I was wrong. I have a lot of baggage I should've dumped a week after the fact. This notion was reinforced when my father called to scream at me for being "ungrateful" after I reacted negatively to my childhood bully's engagement.
I've only dated my current boyfriend for a few weeks. I'm happier overall, but being fresh out of a long, toxic relationship has its drawbacks. I dread parting ways after spending the day studying and laughing at funny videos. Intimacy is a sore subject for me. I've spent sleepless nights crying and wondering if I'm good enough. I can't look at Cajun/Creole food without feeling sick. I worry that my family won't like him and that his family won't like me.
On top of all the concerns racing through my mind, my ex has called me several times even though I blocked his number. The first time around, he yelled at me for blocking him on my social media accounts. The next several times, he badgered me about my current boyfriend as if he hoped we weren't together. I want to change my phone number so he can't contact me. These phone calls made it more obvious that I was used, manipulated, and lied to.
I am beyond fortunate that I chose to love my best friend. He understands that I am still trying to process and heal from the wounds that my ex left in his wake. In more than one way, I believe that he saved not just my sanity, but he also saved my life. I had several episodes of suicidal thoughts immediately following the breakup. I told no one about these, not even my family because I feared being hospitalized. Not even my mother knows the true extent of how badly my ex wounded me. I pray that someday, I will have the courage to tell her the full story. In the meantime, my best friend's love is the only antidote to the poison that is my ex.