As my junior year of college comes to a close, I am left eagerly awaiting the beginning of my internship in New York City. Living in Manhattan has been a dream of mine since I can remember. My first memory of the city was when I was about 9-years-old, wandering through the bright lights of Broadway, in awe by the commotion around me. While some may point at disgust at the dirtied streets of New York and its forever-noisy citizens, I found a beauty in this endless city whose buildings soared through the clouds, boasting of their magnificence above my head.
So, as I searched for internship opportunities this summer, unlike my older two siblings, I decided to follow this feeling of admiration for a city I wish to know. And as my dream of finally living in the Big Apple was realized, I became apprehensive. The excitement I had felt in anticipation of beginning work in Times Square dimmed, as I suddenly began to quarrel with myself about whether or not the decision I had made was the right one. I was unsure about the position I had taken, as I felt I was undeserving and had somehow cheated my way into it. This was supposed to be the city of my dreams, yet how could it feel (pardon the cliche) so much like a nightmare?
As I pondered my self-inflicted crisis, I felt a wave of tranquility that served to ease my mind in regards to what is to come this summer. Sure, initially, I'll feel lost; everyone does when they begin a new chapter of their lives. But this experience is one I have longed for over 11 years, and I finally have it at my fingertips. Discomfort in unsureness should not lead to any kind of self-doubt, but rather, normality. Because I know, walking into this summer, I am not the only one in my shoes. So many students whom I will meet and so many before us have gone through this cycle of capriciousness that leaves us bewildered by our feelings. But seeing as every experience is what you make of it, I suppose I'll just have to seek out that awe-inspiring quality about New York City that once made me feel so big in a city that was infinitely bigger. And I can't wait.