The Stanford Rape trial is a hot topic, but I do not intend to write with the sole purpose of criticizing the misogyny of the courtroom or the media’s interpretation of a white criminal as a hero who lost his way. There is much more to be said and I intend to get my point across as best as I can without losing the attention of whomever is kind enough to read my article.

First I want to say, Brock Turner is, in fact, a criminal. He is not just a teenage boy, he is a rapist. The football player excuse has become predictable- the “American” sport, but now the excuse is growing to encompass all sports including swimming. And he sits un-apologetically behind his scholarship and youth to say that a girl wanted to be manhandled behind a dumpster and coerced into a sexual interaction she will only know existed through the words of others. But he is the victim in almost every news article because he is young and has a long future ahead of him. I promise the judge and that boy’s father that, had he not gotten caught in his heinous act, Brock Turner would live a happy life ignorant of the fact that the girl he left unconscious would have a life filled with pain. Not only is it a blessing that those men on bicycles found the victim so she may know what happened to her and be redeemed in some way, it is a blessing that he may get the opportunity to feel that pain he inflicted onto her. Helping him to skip that long, cold stage of remorse is not doing him any favors.

I want to also thank the survivor of this case for the letter she wrote because my life will never be the same for it. It gave me the need to reach out to my close friends and opened up conversations we would never have without it. You don't have to be raped to feel unsafe, or to feel uncomfortable about a situation. I learned things I never knew my friends felt all because I finally had to courage to speak about my own feelings. Not only are women afraid of being raped, but we are all afraid to talk about being raped. It is because a nine month trial that ends in a conviction of the rapist still leaves an unjustified sentence and a woman many will find fault with. Rape is not a scary word. The only person who should be scared of the word is a rapist - who is soon to be in trouble for committing the crime. The act can be terrifying, confusing, frustrating, painful, etc. but we cannot be afraid to ask for help. We can’t be afraid to even say, “I think I was raped.” Yet we are.

In medieval times, women were encouraged to stay indoors as much as possible because the mere sight of a woman may excite a man so much he would take her virginity. I’m happy to say women are allowed outdoors now, but how much has changed? There is still an alarming amount of discredit upon women who are raped for walking down streets alone, and there is always a question of what they were wearing. There is always the masked phrase of “boys will be boys” under the guise of “what did you expect when a man sees you in shorts and a tank top?” “She came up to me” is my favorite. My friend put this better than anyone else when she said, “Sometimes guys come up to me in the mall and ask me to buy things at their kiosks. If I’m not interested I say no. If it seems the source is unreliable, I say no.” I have to add sometimes it is hard to say no if they’re selling it well enough, but I know better than to say yes. Is a drunk woman necessarily comparable to a pillow shaped like an emoji, maybe not, but the point stands that no is still an option when it comes to a woman who may not be in the position to be making a decision that concrete. If you have to guide her, move her body in a way that best helps you undress her (because she is unable to do it herself), and then further keep her up in a position that is one YOU can work with, the answer is no. Consent is when she is actually playing any sort of role in your interactions.

I want to point out that it is never the woman’s fault unless the woman is the one doing the raping. I want women to stop telling each other that forced sex of any kind isn’t rape. I want us to acknowledge when we are raped and support each other through it. I don’t give a shit what Bobby does for a living, how many charities Fred donated to in the past year, or how much Joe lifts; if they’re a rapist they are a criminal and nothing more. I want this case in its encouraging amount of publicity to provide enough reason for women to stick together. We are really all we have in this war against the patriarchy and all of the men who wish to keep us subordinate. To everyone who wants us to be the girl next door, to hide behind closed doors, and to live for the purpose of providing we should let them know it is our right as humans to live free of such restriction. We should be out there drinking too much on a special occasion and our only fear should be that we are hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, not for assault. We should be wearing bathing suits on the boardwalk and crop tops on hot days and no one should question our sexuality. We should be able to do all of these things and not be pulled into a dark space for a man’s “20 minutes of action” or a cheap thrill. We need to know that we are not alone just because a high-power takes the side of a criminal. We have each other. This isn't a rant about how evil men are, and I hope men can agree with some of the things I have said. I hope that one day everyone will understand the things I am saying, and understand why the rape trial is so horrible.

If this case has effected you in a way you are internalizing, I recommend telling a friend. Tell a stranger. You may be surprised to know that by revealing something about yourself, you may be giving someone else the courage to reveal something they've been hiding too.