Dear past me,
You’ve probably seen the posts on Tumblr saying, “Be the person your past self would’ve needed to count on,” or something to that effect. Well, here I am, sitting opposite a computer screen telling you that you’ve made it. It feels like you’ll never live past 16 or 17 or 18, but here you are, pushing legal drinking age and, in a few years, graduation.
You’ve made it past all of the bullshit of high school. There isn’t anyone telling you to “sit up straight” or “don’t curse because it’s not lady-like.” I guess the jokes on them because you can’t be bothered to care. You’ve come to be proud of who you are and won’t be afraid to hold a girl’s hand or kiss her on campus. You’ll finally start to wear clothing you feel comfortable in and won’t be ashamed of shopping in the men’s section. Yeah, there will be people who are ignorant or homo/transphobic, but you’ll surround yourself with allies and others in the community.
Your friends suck now, and they’ll eventually all leave – which will suck even more, but Marilyn Monroe said it best: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” You’ll meet some of the best people on this planet when you come to college, and you’ve never been happier. You’ll finally find your niche, you’ll actually make Dean’s List, you’ll find a fantastic (and extremely flexible) job. You’ll have to search for a few things before the right one comes along, but it will be completely worth it.
High school sucked, and college can too, but you’ll learn new coping skills. With the help of counseling and friends and family, you’ll stop hating yourself. There are times when relapse seems inevitable, but you remember how long you’ve stayed clean and focus on getting one day closer to one year clean. You’ve saved enough money to get a tattoo to cover your scars, and it’s so well done no one asks about them anymore – it’s because they can’t be seen. ☺︎
There are some times where college will suck, too. But you have loads of support behind you, no matter what. I'm asking you to never give up hope. There will be days when that's all you do, but that's okay. I would be surprised if you were happy all the time; frankly, it's unhealthy. Cry, eat McDonald's at 2 a.m., sleep for hours on end. Not being okay is okay. But it gets better.
I like to think that I have become someone who you need. I'm definitely not as strong or as confident as I would like, but I promise that I will always be here for you. It's you and me through thick and thin. I'll always stand by you.
I can't wait to meet you soon. You'll absolutely love who you've become.
Best,
Your future self.
