It's pretty typical for kids in their pre-teens/teens to go through phases of extreme angst as a result of hormonal imbalances and all that fun stuff. This angst is most often expressed through rebellion, changes in attitude, adopting new styles of clothing or music - you know, typical teen stuff. If you know anything about me you know that I am not typical. See, when I was in that phase of angst I just wrote poetry. I recently found this gem that I wrote when I was probably thirteen or fourteen years old. If I remember correctly, on the day that I wrote this I had witnessed a kid being bullied at school and got so angry that I actually yelled at the bullies (this was very out of character for shy, introverted me). Despite that I wrote it so long ago and in a time of heightened emotional flux, it's still one of my favorite creations of mine (also despite how poorly it's written). Every time I read it I am reminded of that passionate and protective girl that I know is still in me. I know we usually all want to forget everything about our early teen years, but I think it's important that we don't forget completely. Even if we were high on hormones, the things we said and wrote and dreamed in that time of our lives can say a lot about who we are now and how we got here. The main thread of this poem is pretty straight forward. It's not hard to see where my mind was at during the time of composition. I had seen an incident which made me disgusted with my generation and with society and as a result wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to be set apart from that culture and to stand up for what I knew to be true and good and just. Without further adieu, I give you, "Who I Am".
Who I Am
I reuse to be you,
I refuse to be one of them,
I refuse to be a leaf; hang weakly by a stem.
I refuse to do wrong, only what's right
I refuse to stay down - go down without a fight.
I refuse to be the one who is fake
I refuse to be the first one to break
I refuse to be the same, lame, or filled with shame.
There are many things I refuse to be
But one thing I will always be is me.
One thing I will always be is free.
I will be brave
I will be strong,
I will acknowledge what's right and what's wrong.
I will first,
I will be the change
I will be different, unique, and strange.
I will have a will,
I will use my right
I will be filled with courage not fright.
So don't under estimate me or my belief in The Lamb
Because this is me.
This is who I am.
I can tell you now that I have held true to these words in most aspects of my life. Of course I slipped up now and again as we all do, but the person I am now is definitely a person that younger me would have admired. I'm pretty dang proud of that.
Now that you've gotten a little glimpse at my mind and heart in my earlier years, I encourage you to take a moment to dig around in your old notebooks and diaries and Facebook posts. Take a moment to remember the person you once were. How have you changed? How are you the same? You may be surprised with what you find.
