I'm sure you’ve felt that fire build in your stomach; the feeling that you’re going to overflow with rage. How did you deal with it? I don’t mean to sound like a therapist, but having control over how you express your emotions in the heat of the moment can save relationships. It can save you and the people you love from feeling uncomfortable, upset, and unhappy.
First and foremost, don't let things build up.
Sometimes, things really upset me. At the moment, I don’t say anything. I keep it bottled inside. Anger usually turns into sadness for me, and I don’t react in disruptive ways. I’ll bottle it up and cry, but I never physically express my emotions by being violent or loud. I’m sure you’ve had something that pissed you off so bad, but you didn’t say anything to whoever was causing you that pain. You bottled it in. You ignored your anger, and it built up. The same goes for feelings of sadness. If you let these emotions build, you’re setting yourself up for a breakdown or a fit of rage. When your anger and sadness finally sees the light of day, it’s never pretty. They begin clawing their way out of you because they’ve been hidden for so long.
When something upsets you, confront that feeling. Don’t let days, weeks, or months go by where you have a hidden rage for a situation that keeps happening. Maybe the reason why the situation is repeating itself has to do with you not voicing your anger. Let’s say that someone has made you angry. They say mean jokes and you know it’s not supposed to be taken seriously, but you actually do take it seriously. Their words make you angry. Or sad. Either way, you aren’t happy. Over time, you resent this person and they probably won’t have a clue, because you haven’t told them anything.
Second, make sure you express how you feel.
Communication is everything. It saves relationships and helps us all understand each other. Without communication, how is anyone supposed to know what you feel? I’m not going to sit here and say that I’m the best at communicating my feelings, but I know that it’s necessary for dealing with these rough emotions. Lashing out, throwing things, and yelling are the ways of communicating that scare and hurt people. It’s so important to learn how to express your feelings in ways that don’t blow up the situation and make it even worse than it already is.
If you need to let out your anger in a physical way because of the pent-up energy, try physical activities. Taking a walk or a run can get that energy out of your system, and let you come back to the situation with a clearer head. Okay, so maybe you're not the most active person. Punch a pillow, listen to some heavy music and dance that shit out. The point is to not direct this angry physical energy at someone you care about or at the innocent furniture in your apartment. After you let out your physical manifestation of anger, you can deal with the core emotion.
I’m not a doctor or any sort of professional. It’s just that I’ve seen relationships crumble because of anger. I’ve been hurt by the way that someone has expressed their anger, and it's damaged my respect and love for that person. If you’ve hurt someone because you’ve lashed out, all you can do is do some self-reflection and ask for forgiveness. Relationships heal over time, but dealing with your anger in healthy ways can avoid all sorts of uncomfortable effects.