I want to begin by saying that everything that follows is for a world full of people, not just you. I’m not targeting you and your beliefs. I don’t know what you believe, but if it works for you so that you can become a better person each day, keep believing it. But if you appreciate diverse perspective, take a look here -- there are some interesting ideas to play with and to maybe grow with.
It’s a floundering feeling to think of what I would do if I didn’t pray -- in a world that is under attack by global events, natural disasters, the unalterable choices of world leaders, and society’s sense of safety and justice, in general, wherever they are. When I know so much life has been wasted in a catastrophe or attack, when I feel that a personal goal I aimed for was not achieved, when one of my children suffers harm or if I feel that I’m on the wrong path in my life, I start noticing a knot pulling in my chest and have to loosen it so it doesn’t pull the rest of me in and create an emotional black hole.
That is when I pray, in my own way, to release some stress, and so I can be actively mindful of what it is that’s bothering me. Tough thoughts are easier for me to handle when I stop ignoring them and that’s when I use prayer. I process what’s inside by looking at it, acknowledging it, and sometimes turning it so that what’s hidden underneath comes to light. But I’m not religious, so can it be called prayer? What happens when one isn’t guided by an established deity, but empathy needs to be tapped, released, and sent out among the energies of the world? If a person doesn’t pray, what do they do with their sense of desperation or gratitude in a traumatic or joyous moment?
As someone who does have an active relationship with the flow of the Universe, I wasn’t able to answer that myself, only speculate. I asked one friend what he does when he feels grief or worry and he said he doesn’t pray anymore, but he does meditate. I asked another un-religious friend, and he said he simply pushes it away and moves on. I spoke with another person that, I feel, has the same level of creativity as I do, and we drew theories about finding, stirring, and directing energy. Some may not feel that a controlling entity exists and they instead believe that we are in control of our own lives. Others may feel a powerful unnamed energy flowing through and around us all and believe that we can choose the current with which to flow. We talked about inner energy -- not just the results of our choices but the temperature of our attitude -- which may be what our spirituality touches on. Then when we pray, we’re simply being mindful of our current, our flow, and the choices we’re making. But I soon realized that my friend and I were simply going over our own mutual take on spirituality and prayer. What I wanted was something that I’m not familiar with to be explained to me. Something that isn’t prayer, but a way of coping with trauma and stress, concern and inspiration. Reaching out to others in my diverse friend network, I found some of what I wanted.
David
A friend responded to my open Facebook inquiry. I will call him David. He said that, since his youth, he has wondered about the part of the world that is more than himself, his family, even beyond the solar system, and the questions he had about these things were never answered well enough by adults. He would read and play what he referred to as “thought experiments” to try to answer the questions himself.
He continued that and, as he grew older, his world view began to evolve. He noticed that when many people reacted to conflict or hardship, it was with crying or reaching out to others, but David would encounter hardship and “stoically acknowledge the situation.” He says he doesn’t pray because it doesn’t make a difference. It doesn’t answer the questions.
He says, “I know very well that what I want and what happens in reality are two different things. Maybe some would see this position as being cold, but I see it as accepting my limits. I also see it as being mature enough to understand that there won't be some invisible hand to bail you out.” David believes that in difficult times -- whether it’s personal strife or what the world is doing around you -- you can either work on the problem, ask someone for help, or accept that what you want won’t happen and change in any way necessary to keep going. It’s challenging, but that’s how character and wisdom are gained. The confidence and building of relationships that comes with changing a situation yourself is a very enlightening and strengthening experience -- which I thought, as I read his message, is what I hear religious people pray for.
In closing, David says, “If you want to make the world or your own life better, you have to make it happen.” In David’s life, he has seen prayer as “doing nothing,” and that’s not enough for him. Expressing sympathy is one thing, but making a difference takes action. And in taking action, you can affect the world around you in a positive way.
That’s what prayers usually ask for, right? A positive change? I thought that David had a very pragmatic base for his belief in how to handle hardship: with one’s own power of creating change. Taking responsibility for action or inaction, not standing by and hoping a prayer is heard, is a difficult thing for some. But the next time I feel like praying, in my own way, I will try to see it through David’s perspective and ask myself whether or not I can change anything toward the prayer’s efforts. With any luck, it’s something I can accomplish and then feel the fulfillment of answering my own prayer.
I tend to enjoy a less tangible foundation that can be described simply as faith in life. Unlike David, I feel more comfortable NOT being in complete control of what might happen. It’s actually exciting for me, wondering what amazing thing could happen next (or, yes, what horrible thing, but that’s what life does and I can be stronger for it). But I get how David and anyone else who is nodding approval at his reasoning prefers either working on the problem or just letting it go and moving on.
Jason
I then heard from an associate, Jason Peters, creator of Aberrant Literature Short Fiction Collection Series. He explained that his foundation of belief is that we are definitely created by some sort of entity, but it’s not as involved in our lives as the traditional ideas of God’s fatherly hovering. He says, “I like to think of us more as a giant science experiment by beings with the power to influence the creation of life by bringing the necessary elements together and allowing for the development of a ‘true artificial intelligence' and that we are one of many experiments in a universe-sized playground, unique to be sure, but not the only one, and definitely not the greatest".
“So because I believe in this tenet,” says Jason, “I don't expect God, or any other being that exists beyond our physical capacities, to be involved in my success, or lack thereof. I don't reach out, because I don't believe that anyone is there because, to a race of beings capable of influencing our creations, we are but ants in an ant farm…” No one can distinguish one ant from another among billions and why would someone with an ant farm care what happens to any single ant?
So, he doesn’t pray to the ant farmer. He sees stressors being the result of conditions that happened to occur to create the situation that ails someone. “[The stressors] are merely the result of a convergence of influences from the individual themselves, and the world around them, based on actions that have occurred from many different entities. So, I try to look at the outcome and see if there's any way I can positively influence it and learn from it, moving forward.” What I hear from both Jason and David is that the happenstance of arbitrary unpleasant situations in life can be used as a lesson, thereby forming a stronger person. Of course, Jason says he does experience the prayer-triggering emotions that are evoked by circumstances: anger, sadness, etc. But that’s what life does, due to outside influences and personal choices. Nothing ethereal and mystic needs to happen to keep him from being angry and he accepts that.
He thinks we’re a great bunch of results of a cosmic experiment and that we do incredible things, are generally good-natured, and we’re “... a testament to whatever the emotion of love is worth beyond our own galaxy … But the notion that a being powerful of creation would be singularly invested in our individual lives ultimately strikes me as no more than a manifestation of our own narcissism.”
Essentially, David and Jason each said, “In a stressful situation, instead of praying, either change it if you can, or learn from it and move on.” I included both offerings of opinion here to show how one is based on there not being an omniscient presence available for reference, -- David and his “See it, change it, or leave it and move on” suggestion -- and the other is founded on the premise of a universal intelligence so much more advanced than ours that they created us but then left us. The opinion still holds the sensible belief that we are left to use our own strength to find our own way.
Again, my mind can wrap around Jason’s sense of things, even though being an abandoned cosmic experiment is a brand new idea for me. And suddenly I feel like one of the kids on the playroom carpet in Kindergarten who just finished building my block palace and I’m looking around at David’s block tower and at Jason’s block fortress and I do not want to knock them down and tell them to build theirs like mine. I’m admiring them and any other kids’ tinker toy factories and Lincoln Log cabins I can see. We look at each other and smile together.
Smiling. Reaction to the building of faith or building of confidence from our actions touches on the psychological aspect of praying or even the rational actions toward good. More than keeping in touch with God about concerns and hopes or getting together with neighbors to rebuild a home for a family in need, praying together for a focused reason or cooperative action toward a goal can alleviate our spirit and be the cause of, or add to, the sense of peace experienced afterwards.
PsychologyToday.com offers an article suggesting “5 Scientifically Supported Benefits of Prayer.” Forgiveness, self-control, trust, being nicer, and health effects of stress, are each suggested as improvements related to prayer. Whether you view prayer as communication with a deity or as being mindful of your moments or, rather than prayer, you find fulfillment in action toward a positive end, good energy churns forth due to it all. So, maybe whenever you do anything that creates a positive end, it can be considered akin to prayer. When I caught a classmate between classes recently, I asked her whether she had a stance on the subject. She said that she does pray traditionally, but that, in an effort to find peace or to express joy, she also talks to friends. Prayer is, in one sense, a way to process a thought -- a wish or hope or message -- so that it becomes clearer and so, perhaps, more real and possible. From a more psychological standpoint, communication with society, including online profiles, creates a similar sense of relief and perspective for someone literal, as prayer does for a devout worshiper of any religion.
What do people do if they don’t pray? It doesn’t matter. You do what you need to do so you can feel better about an uncomfortable situation and move on. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s all good. So, I will continue emitting gratitude to the universe, in my own particular idiom. My aunt and neighbor will continue to bow their heads and speak to God either aloud or in their hearts. Every other belief-holder will do whatever is considered prayer, and however God, or the Goddess, or Allah, or the Ant Farmer, or Life itself views what we do, we’ll carry on just fine. May you, reader, have a way to carry on in the face of desperation or sorrow or with gratitude and exaltation. You can pray, or just Be, and that’s enough.
