Growing up, I was insecure about my body and looks, and also unsure of myself and what I wanted. I was scared of getting close to a boy and letting him touch me and kiss me and find out all of my secrets. I was especially afraid of letting him really get to know me. I wasn't sure anyone could accept who I truly was.

Letting him get to know the real me could mean him seeing the parts of myself that I have hidden away from everyone. I was scared of being judged and laughed at because of my weird quirks. It would also mean I would have to get out of my comfort zone for everything that even consists of a relationship. So, I did the most natural thing I could even think of: I started dating online.

I figured if someone got to know my online personality, that I could live happily ever after, that nothing could ever go wrong. I honestly thought I could do this for the rest of my life but then I began to realize that I longed for something more, something that being in a relationship online could never give me.

I stayed in my safe place for the longest time. It took me seven years to finally pull myself up and out of my comfort zone and let someone in. I never thought that I could actually put myself out there like that and find someone that actually wanted to be my someone.

I wasn't really expecting something to happen when it did. But one day I was casually swiping left or right on Tinder, a very sweet and a very cute boy started messaging me. Eventually, he convinced me to go on my first very date ever to get some very delicious sushi.

After eating, we ventured out into my car (I didn't allow him to pick me up from my house cause how sketchy is that?) and just literally sat there and talked for a couple hours. He didn't try anything with me because he already knew that I wanted to take things slow and how I wasn't used to anything like this. At the end of the night I walked him over to his truck and I gave him a long hug and he gave me a small kiss on the top of my head, he had told me he was too scared to do it anywhere else.

I was giddy all of the way home and seriously couldn't wait for him to text me first so I, of course, sent him the first text before I even drove into my driveway. We talked all night again, and he ended up coming over the next night and ended up staying until 3 a.m. All we did was lay in my bed and watch "Frozen" and kissed just a little bit.

With him being so understanding with my needs, it made me want to do all of the things I was scared to do and by the time the next weekend came along, I was in my very first official relationship.

I now wanted everything I had once been scared of. I wanted to be kissed. I wanted to be held. I wanted someone to dig so deep inside of my mind that they knew everything about me. I wanted them to lovingly make fun of my weird quirks. I wasn't afraid to be myself.

Six months down the road and I actually laugh at who I used to be. Why was I so afraid of having something so wonderful? Why did it take me way too long to figure out how lovely it is to fall asleep in the arms of a man who loves me and wake up to his face in my neck? How could I be so scared to receive kisses whenever I wanted them?

I don't think I will ever be able to answer those questions, but I'm so glad that I'm able to ask myself them.