Dear depression,
Where do I begin? Better yet, where will you allow me to begin? I have so many questions for you, my dearest friend. I have so many thoughts that lead me back to you, my oldest friend. I have so many middle finger emojis for you, my disgusting ankle weight of a thing I call friend. Why do I call you friend? I have so many things for you, but what do you have for me? What have you ever had for me? Is it the sleepless nights, or the days I can spend all day in bed? Is it the self doubt and stomach aches from wanting it all to end? Or is it in the back of my head where you've managed to reside without my permission? What is it that you have to offer me, my dearest friend?
The sixth grade. You decided to make an appearance in the sixth grade when I looked in the mirror and saw nothing. You so politely crippled my thoughts and showed me a road of dim lights and broken glass floors, which I then decided to walk on. I was 12, alone, and holding your cold hand while I walked down the dark path. It was then when I realized, I was officially different. Not only was I interested in the same sex, but I managed to make friends with the monster in my head. I was 14 when I entered high school and you held me close while I made peace with numbing myself because the constant whispers of death would linger in my thoughts. Thoughts? I've chosen to not have those because they bring me right back to the very thing I'm trying to get away from, you! I became best friends with the monster in my head and the self-doubt that runs my life. How can you do that to me? How can you hold me so close and ruin my life at the same time?
Enough. Enough of the pain, self-harming and emptiness. I will not let you define me! I will not let you control me! Most importantly enough I will not let you drag me down with you! You are not me and you do not make up the person I am today. Living with depression has been one of the hardest things I have ever encountered, and I need to make peace with the life I'm living. There was never a road of dim lights and broken glass floors, but you've managed to blind me from true happiness and control the way I see life. Having said that, I demand that you turn in your keys and evict the head you pay no rent in. Leave my thoughts and leave my personality traits because I was once so vibrant and ready to take on the world. I'm ready once again, but this time I need us to depart ways, my dearest friend. Who am I kidding? We're no longer friends!
Sincerely,
Your tenant.
