Dear "you,"

For the longest time, I didn’t believe anyone when they said, “It gets better.” Now I’ve been in plenty of awful relationships, and unfortunately a few toxic ones. But this one wasn’t bad at all. Actually, it was incredible, I had never been happier, and we had so much left to do together which is why it surprised me when it ended. I didn’t know how or why, and I definitely did not expect it. It’s absolutely true that the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said or never explained. I never thought I’d get over this, but I’m making progress every day.

At first, I won’t deny that it hurt so bad. I wasn’t myself. I was heartless and cruel, but someone once told me to never become the person that hurt you. And sometimes it’s very hard to get over a broken heart. The hardest part is remembering how you were before it, and going back to that. But I can genuinely now say that I am OK again.

After we ended, I felt so worthless, unnecessary, and unwanted. But I’ve learned a lot since this breakup, you know. I’ve learned to be alone. After all, you are the best company in the world for yourself, and I have finally seen that. I’ve started spending more time with the person in the mirror instead of focusing on everyone else. Because no one else can help you but you sometimes.

Life isn’t what you thought it would be when you enter your twenties. You thought it would be full of cool kids and sweet boyfriends that will kiss you goodnight on the first date. Life offers you a whirlwind adventure of broken hearts and screaming and fighting and kissing and nights where you can’t sleep thinking of how everything is happening. So, therefore, I’ve also learned that no matter how sad or broken you are inside out, that doesn’t justify not wanting to live. Life is more than just a bad heartbreak. It’s glorious and magnificent and wonderful all at once.

But for what it’s worth, I will never truly forget you. You’ll always be a buzzing thought in the background of my busy, busy life. We broke up only 4 months ago, but that’s a long time in the life of a teenager. It was odd trying to be your friend after all of this time, too. I apologize for being so awkward. I guess I missed you more than I thought. I guess I still miss you, but I’m better now. Who knows what the future will hold, but maybe we could try this whole friendship thing again someday.

I love you. I always will, but I just don’t care anymore. I don’t have a role in your life anymore and can’t make decisions for you. So when people tell me things about you, and if you’ve done anything stupid lately, I don’t get mad like I used to. I’m just not even phased. You’ll live and learn one day, and like I said, so will I. I’m already learning that we just weren’t meant to be. And if we are, then it will happen, but I just can’t pause my life for you right now. And one day, I’ll be happy again –maybe with you, maybe not. Who knows. Time will only tell. But for now, I’m doing what I have to do, and I’m so much better and happier. But thank you for the incredible memories. I’ll cherish them forever. I'm also very proud of all that you have recently accomplished, and I continue to wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

Me