There is nothing as bitter, astounding, or harsh as the normalcy that you will step out of your house to after hearing awful, life-altering news. The people around you are the same people as they were earlier, the scenery of your neighborhood hasn't changed in ages, and you're wearing the pajamas that you have owned and slept in for quite some time now. Yet, being stuck in the middle of it all feels as if you're sitting through a time-lapse, where you are not just still, but also withering away towards invisibility. For just a second, you feel anger towards all of the happy individuals surrounding you who have not the slightest clue about the news that you have just received. The sun-kissed plants seem as if they've transmogrified into those of the winter, and you look down to your clothes as a reminder to never wear them again.

The ride to the hospital was quiet, but the pain was so loud that it overpowered the silence. It is the same car that we have driven for years now, but along with the augmented number of individuals that were in it that day, it came bearing sadness.

The walk to the hospital room was longer than usual. For this time we weren't rushing. There was no more to be said, no more to be heard, no more action to take, and no more responsibility to bear. We were approaching a room once filled with potential, but left with nothing but the facade of it. Everything we loved, everything we needed, and everything we woke up for that morning was beneath an infamous white sheet. There are 752 beds in that hospital. All I could think about was how many other family members were standing by one, hand in hand looking over what could have been many happy years to come. I felt sorry for them, because for once I actually knew what it felt like.

I'm not sure when or if the void in our hearts will ever fill, or when we will wake up no longer to the constant feeling that something is missing, or be able to go downstairs where just over a month ago my kind, loving, and strong grandfather had lived. Or even when the guilt will fade for leaving the house after such a tragic occurrence, or being able to smile for even just minutes. But I do know that what we still acquire is our endless love for each other, our support from those who are constantly checking up on us, and a beautiful new angel watching us from above.

I'm extremely sorry if you have ever lost a loved one. I didn't understand before, but I do now.