A couple years ago, I wrote an essay for Tumblr about kids on the Internet, from one of the “old people” they think are yelling at them to get off their lawn. It got all of three notes, which is three more than I actually expected. And now that I've seen more and more articles across the Web, written about how only people below a certain age should be on some sites, I wanted to dust it off and update it a bit. As out of touch as many adults can be, as someone who works with teenagers, there are things I keep finding they just don't realize.
First, I have no problem with teenagers writing opinion pieces or being the primary population of any given social media site. We need to hear those voices. Too many adults live in an echo chamber, and that's not good for anyone. (Also, Teen Vogue has some of the best thinkpieces out there these days.) I also realize a lot of their posts about “older people” are directed specifically for the kind of people who decide to crap on them because they’re young. Which is not cool. I remember what that feels like; after all, I was a teenager once. This isn’t a hate letter of “this is what you’re doing wrong; fix it” by any means. Just some observations from someone who’s learned hard lessons.
I assure you, nearly Every Single Teenager (including the ones you go to school with and roll your eyes at) feels they are exceptionally mature for their age. And some are. But think about how Super Mature and Grown Up you felt at 12, then look at the average 12 year old. You'll see my point.
At 33, most of you will look back, as I do now, and die of embarrassment at how much you just did not know. If you don't, because you were genuinely ahead of yourself developmentally, my sincere congratulations.
So, yes, absolutely, call out adults who are being condescending jerks because you’re young. But if, in reasonable discussion, someone suggests they feel you don’t have the life experience they do on a particular issue - consider that sometimes you might not. You can only know your own experiences.
To be clear, I’m not saying that y'all aren’t wonderful for getting super-involved in politics. You rock. We need more young folks making noise. And if you’re POC and some white adult tells you about “life experience” relating to racial issues, screw that noise. In that case, they probably don’t know what they’re talking about. But if you have comparable situations, it doesn’t hurt to listen. (Those of you who are genuinely mature for your ages already know this.)
Enough asking for understanding. I promised some legitimate advice, and here it is:
- You’re definitely not too young to know who you are, but be open to it changing. That’s okay. I didn’t question my sexuality until 19. I spent the next 13 years trying to define what, exactly, that sexuality was. What feels right at 17 may not feel right at 21 (or 31), and that’s okay. And if it does? Even better!
- Be careful who you get involved with. You feel you're more mature than average, and so it might make sense to you if an adult pays you some romantic attention. Obviously, it's no big deal for a 18 year old to be interested in a 17 year old. But if a 28 year old is interested in a 17 year old – it's not that 17 year old's maturity. Always, always ask yourself why an adult isn't pursuing people their own age. Even when you're legally an adult, at least question significant age gaps. There's a world of difference between the life experiences of a 20 year old and a 45 year old.
- Listen to the soundtrack to Avenue Q. It’s hilarious, but you won’t know how real some of the situations are there until you’ve been through it.
- Find what makes you happy and do the shit out of it.
- Accept change will happen, in some aspect of your life.
- Be yourself, unless you’re an asshole.
- Don’t live and die by what anyone but you wants you to be…and whether you love a girl, boy, or non-binary person, do not under any circumstances give up major life dreams for them. If they don’t support your dreams, they are not the one.
