I understand. I understand what it's like to feel alone. To feel forgotten. To feel that pang of jealousy when your friends talk about how great their siblings are and you can't respond to that. I understand how hard it is to go home and feel afraid because you don't know that you'll find. I understand that feeling you have when you want nothing more than to just get out of that house and just be by yourself because that's all you've ever known. I understand what it's like to not know how to explain your feelings. It's frustrating, I know. I understand that nervous feeling you get from just hearing the word 'overdose'.
It's okay. It's okay to get angry. To want to throw something and break something. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to want to retract and not come out of that bubble. It's okay to want to run away. It's okay to feel numb. To feel absolutely nothing when something happens because you're used to it all at this point. It's okay to take extra shifts at work because you just don't want to go home at all.
It's not okay, however, to stay angry. It's not okay to decide that you're going to hold a grudge for the rest of your life. It's not okay to use their addiction for an excuse for everything. It's not okay to keep your feelings inside to yourself. Remember that you are just as important and that you deserve to be listened to. It's not okay to feed into their addiction. When it comes to addiction, there has to be boundaries drawn. It's not okay to end up like them. You know the things that they chose to do and you know of the consequences. Don't decide to follow them down that path.
Know that the addicts that you grew up with, love you. They want to make the relationship between you two right again. Know that the addicts are not your actual brother or sister. Their addiction has just over come them entirely. Eventually, you will need to step out and learn to forgive them because they are trying to forgive themselves as well.
Know that this isn't the rest of your life. All of this chaos will eventually come to an end. It might take longer than others but I promise that it will end.
