To My First Boyfriend,

I thought you would be my last boyfriend. And you very might well be, but not for the same reason. I thought that long distance would work for us. We had already gone through so much. You were always there for me through the ups and downs of the 15 months we dated. But you weren't just my boyfriend, you were my best friend. I could tell you anything, and you would listen to me patiently. Your arms were always open, and so was your door. We were perfect for each other until all of a sudden we weren't.

Thank you for supporting me through my senior year when you were a junior scared out of your mind about what would happen to us when I eventually left. I know you wanted me to go somewhere close so this didn't happen. But no matter how far away the universities were that I was accepted to, you were nothing but supportive. You even made me cookies and left them in my car when I was deferred from my first choice. You genuinely cared about my happiness more than the relationship we would have to maintain later on. I know that the farther away I ventured with my prospective colleges, the more it pained you. While I don't regret the university I chose to attend for a second, I wish that there had been fewer miles between us.

Thank you for loving my family as much as you loved me. My mother still asks about you, and I know my dog misses you. You made my little brother feel like an equal, not like the little kid he really is. My older brother respects you because you respect him. My father never had a negative thing to say about you and even though you were scared of him at first, he knew he had nothing to worry about with you.

Thank you for keeping me on my toes. Whether it was an impromptu run to Friendly's, jumping out from behind walls to try and scare me, little gifts snuck into my car when I was at work, or just the small signs you left that let me know how much you cared, you always kept me guessing.

Thank you for being the first person I could go to. I could tell you about anything that was bothering me, anything that made me happy, anything that I could think of. You were an amazing listener, you always knew what to say, and if you didn't you would just tell me you were there for me and give me the support that I needed.

Thank you for your amazing parents. They became as close to a second family as they could, and I will always appreciate everything they have done for me. Even though your mom (and sister) went to Michigan, she was supportive of what was best for me. Some of my fondest memories of our relationship were when the three of us were gathered around the kitchen island over cookies or ice cream just talking to each other. Your father always welcomed me into your home with a smile and a hug. I felt like I mattered to your family, even though I wasn't there for very long. Thank you also for both sets of grandparents that welcomed me into their lives even though they didn't have to. Their kindness and generosity have no bounds. You remind me so much of their positive qualities.

Thank you for being my first love. I could not have found someone better to teach me that love is a two-way street and that trust and communication make for a really healthy relationship. You helped me realize that love isn't what it looks like in the movies. It looks like your best friend who will laugh at dumb things with you for hours, it looks like tears when you say goodbye, it looks like real life. It looks the way that I felt when we were together.

I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was your first love because I was in no place to be that person for you. I'm sorry I went so far away, I'm sorry I sucked at communicating for a good majority of the time we were together. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person. I'm sorry I was so selfish that I put my happiness ahead of our relationship, and I'm sorry I didn't try to mend the holes I ripped in us. I'm sorry, and you never have to accept my apology. Just know that I wish I could have a second chance.

I hope that the next girl that you end up with deserves you. I know I didn't. I hope that you love where you go to school, even though I know you already do. I hope that you remember to take your Lactaid before you eat dairy. I hope that you find something you love to do and make a career out of it. I hope you never stop laughing, I hope you never stop smiling. Most importantly, I hope you will be happy. I hope that you find what or who or where that makes you happy, hold it in the palm of your hand, and never let it leave you. If it does, there will be other things that make you happy so find them, don't wait for them to find you. I know my chapter in your life is over, but I also know you have so many more chapters to write. From here on out, you are the author. I hope you write the story of a lifetime. Maybe I'll get to read parts of it.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Let You Go