An Open Letter To The People-Pleaser

Dear People-Pleaser,

Stop. Take a deep breath. You’re fine.

I know that, lately, you’ve been carrying the burden of trying to be perfect in every aspect of your life. You try to put on the face of a perfect student who never neglects an assignment and gives their full effort in the classroom every single day. On the field, the court, or the stage, you try to emulate a champion both mentally and physically, and you chastise yourself for being anything less than great. Socially, you are so fearful that you will be disliked so you refuse to speak your mind even when you are being walked all over. Instead of taking time for yourself- to pray, to sleep, to simply breathe, you give the last bit of energy you have to your friends who are having bad days themselves. You give and give and give and rarely take anything in return. You’re caring to a fault.

You overthink everything. You question if the tone of your voice was slightly off when you said hi to that stranger and you wonder if they hate you now because of it. You read way too much into the way your friends text you, and you blame yourself for every ruined relationship, because you must have done something wrong to push that person away. There is never a moment when you can just relax and be your true self because you are constantly worried about other people’s irrelevant opinions that hold so much weight to you.

I’m here to tell you that I understand this struggle. It’s something you wish you can take control of every day but you are crippled by the fear of people disliking you so you choose to do what makes others happy before giving yourself the TLC you so need. It’s okay to put yourself first every now and then.

Easier said than done, I know, but change has to happen somewhere. I’m here to tell you as a fellow people pleaser and worry wart that I want to see you take that two-hour nap you need instead of working ahead on next week’s assignment. I’m here to cheer you on as you finally stick up for yourself and tell the person who’s been using you that you don’t feel like putting up with their crappy treatment any longer. I’m here to assure you that locking yourself in your room for a few hours to watch Netflix while you ignore the needs of your friends is perfectly acceptable. I’m here to remind you that just because you had a bad performance on a game or a test or a practice, that doesn’t mean you are any less of a person for it. I’m here to hold you up and show you that I have your back when you need a friend to talk to. I’ll be here for all those things, whether we are best friends or not.

But I’m working on putting myself first too, so I might not be around for a few hours because of that nap I should take or those Netflix shows I need to binge watch. For my own good, of course.

Sincerely,

A Fellow People Pleaser