Dear Missionary Daters,

I know that you are the kind of person that loves to help people; that wants to bring change to the world, and ultimately, change to people's lives. I regret to inform you that this way to bring change is unethical.To elaborate, dating someone for the sheer hope that they will come to know God the way you do is close to impossible while being in an intimate relationship with someone.

Dating and witnessing are two separate things and should never crossover. Witnessing to someone who is a non-believer is what we are called to do as followers of Christ (Matthew 28:19-20). This act looks differently to everyone; it could be in the form of giving a bible to someone in need, sitting down with someone you know and sharing the gospel, it could be in the form of discipleship, or even starting up a conversation with a stranger. However, none of these include dating someone in order for them to come to know God.

Dating is a whole other world in of itself. In the dating world, there are things that Christians dating non-Christians don't think about: emotions, physical touch, personal walk with Christ, a difference in beliefs, differences in morals, boundaries; the list goes on and on. When a Christian enters a non-Christian relationship, these things are often overlooked. Why? Because a Christian who embarks on this journey has one mission in mind: for this non-believer to become a believer. What tends to happen, is, boundaries are crossed, moralities are lost, beliefs are put on the back-burner, one becomes like the other. Essentially, that significant other becomes a stumbling block for you in your relationship with God. It is hard to stand firm on a quick-sand ground. While the two of you believe and disagree on every little thing, it becomes harder and harder to fall in love with God and easier to fall in love with the person you are with.

The missionary heart is a tender vulnerable one. We tend to reach out to those hearts that are broken, helpless, hopeless, and desperate for love. Our empathy outweighs our judgement because our tunnel vision can only see the cries of desperation for hope. We as believers think the only way we can do that is through love in the form of an intimate relationship. From what we are taught in church and read in the bible, Jesus is the prime example of that; He formed many relationships with people and witnessed to them because aside from their sinful nature, He loved them unconditionally. But what we have a hard time doing is separating relationships from dating relationships.

Though you believe that in making this mission a reality by dating someone, you are poorly mistaken. In the bible it says that you should marry someone who is equally yoked to your beliefs; that goes for the dating world as well. With that being said, do not start something with someone while knowing that it will only do harm for the both of you. Protect your heart and theirs by fervently praying for them and talking to them with only the intent of witnessing to them and forming a friendship in order to grow the seed that God used you to plant. I know that I do not know you, but I love you and want the absolute best for your life. Do not settle for less than what God has intended for you. Keep your missionary dating habits at bay, and just love them from afar.

Sincerely,

A Former Missionary Dater