I built a 10-foot stone wall around myself in fear I would let someone else in to hurt and use me the way you did. I pushed potential partners aside, nice, sweet, intelligent men. Similar qualities I saw in you. I compared every guy to you and as a result I always thought about our ending, I thought about the time I wasted and I push away from them not because of the fear of falling for someone but because I was scared of being vulnerable enough to let someone hurt me the same way you did...
You come to me a year later, saying you've changed; saying you realized the compassion and love I showed you was the real thing. You tell me how you're sorry for the way you acted, you tell me you have your head on straight and you actually want a relationship with me because you finally realized I was good to you. You came to me with everything I wanted to hear. So I gave you the chance to try and show me that you're a better man than you were a year ago…
You kept your word. You showed me compassion and affection which were two things I rarely caught a glimpse of before. It was the old side of you I haven’t seen in years. You treated me as an actual human being instead of an inanimate object. You were the man I was looking for to love. All these familiar feelings started to rush back and I was blinded to the potential risks…
A couple of months go by and you start to show the same patterns as before, not talking to me for several days at a time, not making time to see me, I drive to you, I work around your schedule just so I can see you but yet you did not do the same. Treating me as if I’m a nuisance; as if I’m the issue. When I did see you for a brief moment you were physically in front of me but mentally gone. When I tried to strike up a conversation, it was short lived. When you looked at me I felt as if you were looking through me. You simply stopped caring...
I will always be overanalyzing every small detail in fear you will go back to who you were before you came back to me. I will always have that little voice in my head that tells me “You’re so naïve.” …
It’s unfair to you and I. To have the person you’re wanting to build a life with questioning every move you make. You and I, both, deserve a better life partner. We deserve trust, unconditional love, and loyalty; all the things we can not provide for one another. I absolved your love.
