I thought about how I acted for years. I know I let you down. I let you believe we had a future together. I know that that I can't take back everything I’ve put you through, and I can never truly fix the way I hurt you. I got so used to always having you around, that I seemed to forget that you had feelings too. I was selfish. I know that now. I had too much pride to apologize, but now I know better. I should have let you know what I was thinking. I wanted to keep you all to myself, but I didn’t want to be with you. I thought my lack of feelings for you gave me a certain control over you, and honestly, I knew it was shitty. I knew the whole time. This makes me feel even guiltier.

I just liked the idea of having someone who cared about me. I knew you weren’t just going to drop me from your life, or stop responding to my texts one day. I wanted to keep you close because I knew you only wanted me to be happy, and that you would never hurt me. It was nice to have someone actually like me, and you never seemed to mind that I never showed how I really felt. I should have seen how good you were to me. You were always there for me, whether I had a bad day, or just the stress of college. Even though I never felt the same towards you, you always had my back. However, I was not the person you thought I was. I didn’t appreciate that I had you around for all the trouble I had gone through. I was too caught up in my own bullshit to realize there was someone who I was emotionally scarring.

When we first met, we got along so well. It was like, meeting a new best friend. We laughed at each other's jokes, and we had interests in many of the same things. I was in a shitty relationship at the time, but once things ended, I could tell you had a different idea about us. Your hopes had gone up, but I didn't want to say anything because I was so selfish dealing with my own heat break. I didn't realize I was hurting you. Even though I now see how terrible it was for me to put you through that. I want to thank you. You helped me so much, and I still think about you from time to time. I can only hope life is treating you better than I did.

You deserve better than me. You deserve to have someone who sees all of your wonderful qualities and doesn't take you for granted. I hope that you find someone that treats you the way you treated me. I still remember everything you did for me. It made me uncomfortable at the time knowing I didn't feel the same, but I'm truly glad I had you around. I'm sorry I stopped responding to your texts, and I'm sorry I didn't let you know what was going on with me. I wish I could go back and change how it all happened, so I wouldn't end up losing you as a friend. I just hope you know that I am fully aware of the damage I did, and I will always feel remorse. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. No one deserves to be pushed aside, especially someone who made me such a priority. I cannot stress enough how bad I have felt, and for so long, but all I can do is apologize and hope for forgiveness.

Sincerely,

The girl who was too scared and ran away.