Have you ever known someone wasn’t right for you, but continued to pursue them anyway?

Well, that was me when I was 18. For the next two years of my life, I was stuck on this boy who couldn't care less about me.

We were never officially “together”, which should have been my clue from the start that things weren’t right. When I met him, I was actually dating someone else and they broke up with me because they knew he was the one I actually wanted to be with. Later on I actually cheated on my first long term boyfriend with him, because something in me just couldn’t stay away. That sounds awful of me, because it was.

Literally everyone and their mother told me to stop talking to him. “He doesn’t care about you, you’re wasting your time.” But how can you say that about someone who’s so sweet? How can you say that about someone who makes you feel so special?

I cannot tell you how many times I lied to my friends, lied to my parents, lied to EVERYONE, just to maybe see him.

I cannot tell you how many times I tried to convince everyone around me how great he was. He’s not a bad person, but he wasn’t the right person.

What can I say? I convinced myself that this was love, because you’re supposed to do anything for the person you love right? Including put up with circumstances that you know aren’t right?

Unfortunately for me, this was during a sensitive phase in my life, and he came in right when I needed someone to make me feel “happy”.

He came right when I thought I needed someone to take the “pain” away. The only pain I had was what I was causing myself to feel by not walking away when I should have.

Listen ladies, do not put your heart into someone who can’t afford to give you the time of day.

Here’s another truth:

No one.

Is that busy.

That they can’t call you,

see you,

or make an effort for you in some way.

If someone wants you as much as they say they do, they will make that effort clear. I sure as hell know I did.

Two years, that’s how long I wasted on you.

Two years, in which I saw other people but still kept you in the back of my mind.

Two years, crying over you ignoring me or breaking plans.

But this isn’t a letter to shame you, or have pity on myself. I’ve grown up since then and learned a lot.

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me what kind of love I never want to have.

Thank you for no more empty promises. Thank you for no more lies.

Thank you for not telling me you’ll be there for me when I need you anymore.

Thank you for showing me that I don’t want someone to ignore me or break our plans every time, or for someone to walk out of my life for six months. Thank you for showing me that I don’t want someone who will come out of nowhere AFTER those six months to tell me they “love” me, only to leave again. Thank you for that.

I now have exactly what I want, and so do you. I wish the best for you.