Dear my once "once upon a time",

It's been a while since you've been gone. They tell me that this is supposed to get easier each day. They tell me that if we were supposed to be together, we would be. They tell me that I'm stronger than this. They don't know what they're talking about.

I wish I could agree with them. I wish I could say that I've gotten a little bit better with understanding that you're gone. I wish I was better off without you. But I'm not.

I still wake up every day reaching for your touch. I dream every night that you'll come back. I ache to rewind time to a point before everything got so difficult between us. I long to take back that very moment before you walked out. I want to take back the words that flew out of my mouth and broke your heart, and forget about the ones you said.

The thing that hurts the worst is that there was once a "once upon a time" fairytale romance between us that put others to shame. We were beautiful, we were in love, we were happy. We were two kids who innocently wanted to be together; then the world made us grow up.

We grew apart in such a short period of time; it was like one day you were here, the next you were gone. Every cliche saying about losing love came true. I never thought I would live a daily nightmare filled with regret from losing you.

I can't help but think about all of our long talks, the heart to hearts, the passion between us. I can't help but think of all of those times we leaned on each other for comfort, how many times you've helped me more than I could ever help myself.

I've been playing around with the idea of moving on, but every time I try, I see you. I couldn't imagine feeling the way you made me feel with anyone else. Our memories, our dreams, our plans; they surround me. They haunt me. You haunt me. We haunt me.

If I could go back and change everything, I would. If I could go back and stop us from letting it get to this point, I would.
They say that if you love something, to let it go and if it comes back to you, it's yours. They don't understand how much that hurts. I wish I could have known your worth without letting you go first.

I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I put myself ahead of you and never treated you like the king you deserved to be treated as. I'm sorry that you put more into this that I didn't realize until it was too late. I'm sorry for being the one that didn't accept you and made you feel unwanted. I'm sorry for being everything that you thought I'd never be. I'm sorry for not showing you how much you meant to me. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance.

I know that there's no changing the past. I don't know how to make things better. I know that we can't fall into the same trap we have. I don't know how to prevent that from happening. I know this can be better. I know this can work. I know that I still love you. I know that I'm sorry.

Your hopeful "happily ever after"