An Open Letter to the Guy Who Got Away

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Got Away

I'm still here.
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Dear my once "once upon a time",

It's been a while since you've been gone. They tell me that this is supposed to get easier each day. They tell me that if we were supposed to be together, we would be. They tell me that I'm stronger than this. They don't know what they're talking about.

I wish I could agree with them. I wish I could say that I've gotten a little bit better with understanding that you're gone. I wish I was better off without you. But I'm not.

I still wake up every day reaching for your touch. I dream every night that you'll come back. I ache to rewind time to a point before everything got so difficult between us. I long to take back that very moment before you walked out. I want to take back the words that flew out of my mouth and broke your heart, and forget about the ones you said.

The thing that hurts the worst is that there was once a "once upon a time" fairytale romance between us that put others to shame. We were beautiful, we were in love, we were happy. We were two kids who innocently wanted to be together; then the world made us grow up.

We grew apart in such a short period of time; it was like one day you were here, the next you were gone. Every cliche saying about losing love came true. I never thought I would live a daily nightmare filled with regret from losing you.

I can't help but think about all of our long talks, the heart to hearts, the passion between us. I can't help but think of all of those times we leaned on each other for comfort, how many times you've helped me more than I could ever help myself.

I've been playing around with the idea of moving on, but every time I try, I see you. I couldn't imagine feeling the way you made me feel with anyone else. Our memories, our dreams, our plans; they surround me. They haunt me. You haunt me. We haunt me.

If I could go back and change everything, I would. If I could go back and stop us from letting it get to this point, I would.
They say that if you love something, to let it go and if it comes back to you, it's yours. They don't understand how much that hurts. I wish I could have known your worth without letting you go first.

I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I put myself ahead of you and never treated you like the king you deserved to be treated as. I'm sorry that you put more into this that I didn't realize until it was too late. I'm sorry for being the one that didn't accept you and made you feel unwanted. I'm sorry for being everything that you thought I'd never be. I'm sorry for not showing you how much you meant to me. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance.

I know that there's no changing the past. I don't know how to make things better. I know that we can't fall into the same trap we have. I don't know how to prevent that from happening. I know this can be better. I know this can work. I know that I still love you. I know that I'm sorry.

Love,
Your hopeful "happily ever after"

Cover Image Credit: Warner Bros

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Blood Doesn't Determine Family

Blended families are just as much of a family as a traditional one.

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If you look above, you can see that have a very large family on my mother's side. Between my grandparents, aunts and uncle, cousins and my own immediate family, we're at thirty-three members and counting. All branches of our family tree have busy lives, so we don't get to see each other as much as often as we would hope to. Christmas is the one time a year where we all finally get together for the evening. If you sat in on our holiday party, you may think that we have a couple screws loose, but there is no doubt that you would be able to feel the love radiating from room to room.

If you look at the picture I chose for my header, you can see all of the cousins gathered for our yearly picture. Dysfunctional, of course, but you can tell that love is there. Would it surprise you that out of our entire huge family, less than half of us are blood-related?

I come from a blended family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Blood does not determine family to us. Love does.

Divorce can be a messy thing, especially when children are involved. Both my aunt and uncle had remarried into relationships that already had children. For the most part, none of us can really ever remember a time when we weren't considered family. We don't ever look at each other as not being related. We never will. Family to us is the love and support that is shared unconditionally between us.

As I said, you would never be able to tell we weren't blood-related unless I told you. Not only do we all look similar to one another (which again is odd, because if the marriages had never taken place, we would just have a ton of doppelgangers running around), but the love and passion that we radiate is unmistakable that we have a bond that will never be broken, let alone determined by biology.

Blended families tend to get a bad rap sometimes from some of the horror stories that can come from second marriages. Not only that, but some people still are stuck in the idea that the only socially acceptable type of family is one where the lineage is clear and concise. Although I can see where these people come from, I don't believe that because there is a lack of shared genetics between all of us, our love is any less strong.

Family is those who will answer a call or text late at night because you need someone to talk to. They're the ones that you end up staying at their house and talking for hours when you meant to make a quick trip in. They are there for you no matter the situation and always believe in you one hundred percent.

Traditional families have a lot of love too, undoubtedly. But please, do not tell me that my family is any less of a family of a family because of its makeup. We have just as much love between us as families with the same bloodline. Blood does not determine the amount of love and affection between all of us. It never will. We will love each other as much as a traditional family. We never look at each other as a mixed family, so please stop treating us as such.

I've said it so many times, but I'll remind you once more. Blood does not determine family, love does-- and I love my family more than life itself.

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