To The Guy That Made Me Stronger,

First off, I want to begin by telling you that I don’t hate you. I tried really hard to, but never could. You always had some weird hold on me that would never allow it to happen. After the anger of everything between us simmered down, I actually became extremely thankful for you. You taught me so much about myself that I most likely would not have learned on my own.

You’re a great person. I’m not going to pretend that you're not. I understand other people's opinions about you, but I know your not entirely who they think you are. To be honest, I admire certain aspects about you such as your self-determination, confidence, and hunger to learn more about everything. I’m not going to pretend that everything between us was bad. For a long time it was great. Some of my favorite memories to this day were made with you. I always knew I could count on you to make me laugh or just listen to my pointless complaining. Despite what people thought, at times you where a caring person and I knew that side of you. It was so easy to become invested in you. Probably too easy. Being with you never crossed my mind, honestly. But things changed, and suddenly every day you grew on me more and more. You knew it too, and you took advantage of it.

I’ve always considered myself an independent person. Never have I felt like I needed to be with someone in order to be happy. You came into my life very fast and, quite frankly, left the biggest impact. For the first time I felt that I needed to constantly please you, constantly make sure that you were happy. More than often your well-being meant more than my own in my eyes. I still can’t figure out what was worse, the fact that I thought it was okay, or the fact that you thought it was okay and encouraged it

I became so weak. Your wish was literally my command. I gave you anything you wanted and accepted the fact that I wouldn’t receive the same treatment in return. I was completely fine with it because I just cared about making you happy. Why? Because at the time I thought you were too good for me and that I was lucky to have you when in fact it was the other way around.

You found it amusing that I tried so hard. Sadly enough, I didn’t care how foolish I looked. You see, the worse you treated me, the more I craved your approval. I would constantly make up excuses for the way you acted in order for me to believe that it was okay. People would take notice and talk to me about. I would simply tell them that’s just the way we were and it was completely fine when in reality it wasn’t fine at all.

When you left, I was mad, upset, and most of all confused. I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong. Why no matter what I did it never felt good enough. I hate to admit this but I was torn. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out how I messed up or what I could have done differently, but I realized that I was doing everything for the wrong reasons.

Since being with you, I’ve become a different person -- you’d be very surprised. I’ve grown into someone that I am more than proud of. Not only have I become confidant, I’ve learned to completely love myself. I only seek the approval from myself now. Because of you, I don’t just settle for being treated below mediocre just to have someone in my life. I no longer care for pleasing someone else if it means sacrificing my own happiness. I have no desire to change who I am to fit a person's needs. I take pride in who I am. If that’s not good enough, then that’s OK and I can accept that. I strive to be a better person both mentally and physically, not for you but for me. My focus is on my happiness, not someone else's. Never again will I let someone take that away from me because I know the right person won’t. I’ve become the strong person I’ve always wished to be because I refuse to feel the way I did when I was with you ever again. I know I deserve better despite what you thought, and with time the right person will come along.

I have no hard feelings towards you; in fact I’m praying that you’re doing well. I hope you are following all your aspirations successfully. Hopefully in the future we can be friends again because, let's face it, we had a great friendship, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you. I know that you may never read this and that’s completely fine. This is me coming to peace with something that I should have a long time ago. So thank you for showing me what I don’t deserve, helping me realize that I am capable of more than I imagined, and that I'm stronger than I thought I could ever be.

XOXO,

The Girl That Was More Than Good Enough