An Open Letter to the Girl with the "What Ifs"

An Open Letter to the Girl with the "What Ifs"

Yes, it's tough-- those little thoughts that never leave. But heres what you don't know-- you're stronger than them.
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I think the scariest parts about relationships are the "what ifs"— the constant wonder of what might come. You never know what is to happen the next day, the next night, or even the next hour. One day they love you, and care about you, and the next they leave you and try to justify it with an apology. That's just how it goes some times. If you're anything like me, you spend your nights (and sometimes days) wondering “what if.” What if he finds someone new, what if he breaks my heart, what if he leaves, what if he stops talking to me, what if.
You see, girls like us notice EVERYTHING. And by everything, I mean we notice anything from the slightest change in your body language, to a difference in the way you text us. We’re so paranoid about being left alone and heartbroken in the dark, that we freak out anytime something changes. Maybe it doesn't even change, maybe we just think it does. Those “what ifs” have been pounded into our head so hard, we can’t escape them. You tell us to “trust you” and that, “you wont hurt us” and honestly, that's something we would love to do more than anything. We would love to trust you so easily; we would if we could. But we can’t. Its nothing you did, it all goes back to how hurt we’ve been in the past. There's nothing to do but wait. Did you hear me? Do I need to say it again? There is nothing to do but wait. PATIENTLY. Ladies, if he cannot wait for you to trust him, HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TRUST. If he cannot wait for you to love him, HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR LOVE. Point. Blank. Period.
Now, sometimes, us girls miss out on something that could be awesome, because we’re afraid to trust you, or let ourselves be hoary with you, even after all this time. Ladies: If there's something that has even the slightest chance of making you happy, GO FOR IT. Take that risk!! Life is WAY too short to “play it safe.” Those “what ifs” are going to be in your head forever. PUSH PAST THEM FOR ONCE DAMN IT. Do what YOU want! Trust faster than usual, love too deeply, fall too hard. Sometimes it’s going to hurt like hell, but you know what? It is OKAY to cry. It is OKAY to hurt. It is OKAY to get knocked down. It is NOT OKAY to stay down. You are not defined by how many times you get knocked down; you are defined by how long you stay down. It’s going to hurt. You might lose him. But whatever you do, DO NOT lose the lesson it taught you. The possibilities will always be there; Always, no matter what. But remember— not all possibilities are bad.

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The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

She knows how annoying she can be, but she just prays you love her regardless of her flaws.

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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7 Things To Remember When You're Sad About Being Single

I don't need a significant other, I have my significant self.

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Let's stop the stigma around being single. Those who aren't in a relationship are not "weak," "missing out," "lonely," etc. We're doing just fine on our own, honey. There may be many plus sides of being in a relationship such as having a cuddle buddy, someone who, without a doubt, will always buy you food, or sharing your love for in each other in endless, cute ways. Buuuuttt... let's not forget these reasons why being single can be so amazing!

1. You save money 

Less shopping for you on Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. SAVE THAT MONEY, HONEY!

2. You can flirt with whoever you want...

...for the most part, at least. Definitely not if they already have a significant other. But now, you don't have to feel guilty for having googly eyes for someone else!

3. You can completely unplug whenever 

You don't have to worry about constantly keeping tabs on someone. No more answering to someone's every call. You can go completely tech-free whenever!

4. You have more time...

...to find yourself, love yourself, and put yourself first. Also, just more time to watch Netflix and hang with family and friends.

5. You are saying goodbye to heartbreak 

No one can breakup with you if you're single, #facts.

6. Everything you do is for yourself 

Decision making can be hard as it is, so making decisions that benefit you AND another person can be draining. Now, you don't have to worry about making someone else happy.

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