To The Girl Who Doesn't Believe In Herself ,
You probably love your bed more than anything, not cause you're lazy but because sleep is your temporary escape from the outside world. And you probably love to sleep, but hate going to bed because you're afraid to face the next day. Mondays are the worst because you have another whole week to get through. Time never slows down. It's all going very fast and you're very scared. You were in a relationship and you messed something up and you think you're not lovable because of this, or someone hurt you and you feel that someone new will hurt you the same way the last person did. So you put up walls and back away from any person who tries to get close to you, because what if they leave or what if they break your heart? You accept "we're talking" and "almost relationships" as the norm, because a 2 a.m. text message is better than always feeling alone. You love your friends, and you have some great ones, but there are thoughts in your head that you can't tell them because you don't want to ruin everyone's fun.
You go back and forth between wanting to stay in bed on the weekends so you don't have to deal with anyone, or needing the socialization to protect yourself from your self deprecating thoughts. You take all the pressure from your family, friends, and society and magnify that times ten. You have a 3.2 GPA and that's not good enough because you need a 3.5. Some student in your class has an amazing summer internship in NYC and you're just life guarding at the pool. You're not pretty enough and you certainly don't look as good as everyone else. No one finds you attractive and the people that do must have something wrong with them cause how could anyone ever think you're attractive or like anything about you? You think you're a terrible person, not because you are, but because that's what your inner thoughts tell you EVERY SINGLE DAY.
You miss assignments and can't sleep because you're too anxious to sit down and focus. You need music in your life because you can't deal with the silence. You're not clinically diagnosed with a mental disorder, so you think you have no justifiable excuse for the way you feel. There's a lump in your throat and your back is constantly tense. Your hands shake during class, and you pass it off as nerves or too much caffeine. You'd give anything to pause your day and lay in bed, or cry, or scream, not at anyone, just to get your emotions out.
I don't have the answers. And I'm not sure that there's a magical cure. But I just want you to know that other people feel the same way, and you might think you're the worst person ever or that you're the most flawed human ever, but you're really not. Beauty is subjective. Success does not have to be a competition. And at the end of the day, you have to take the negative out of your life. Life is too short too surround yourself with people who make you feel like you're not worth being loved. So you'll be okay, I promise. And just remember someone out there genuinely cares that you woke up today.
