Let me start off my saying two things.
- You are not the first, and you will not be the last.
- It’s not me, it’s you.
I have gone through life with few best friends. In middle school, I had a small group of girls I cheered with, but everyone seemed to gang up on each other, so once I moved districts, I cut them all out. In high school, I had a couple of close friends, but by senior year I couldn’t stand the manipulation and the hostility I had been enduring. So I cut them out, too. College rolled around, and I had a few close friends, one or two (dare I say) best friends, but by the end of my go-around, I can say I only have one solid BFF whom I’ve only known for a year and a half.
To those of you I left in the dust, there was a specific reason I did so. I grew up.
Each and every one of you has helped me more than you know. I looked at our friendship and realized it wasn’t what true friendship was supposed to embody. It lacked something - trust, respect, equality, or happiness. Whatever the void was, I realized I was worth someone who could fill that. I did not need to keep gravitating to someone who was going to hurt me, or someone who would put me down constantly. So I left. I grew out of you, and I am happy I did. You were not mature enough to see your actions for what they were, and you helped me learn my worth.
Even towards the end of my college career, when I was very wary about whom I let into my life, somehow bad seeds snuck in. Those seeds grew into what I thought was a great friendship, but I soon learned it was all about you. As much as I could give, nothing was ever reciprocated. I learned that the hard way. I cried over you, regretted you, and hated everything you did to me. But after a cooling-off period, I realized what a blessing it was. I was free of the immaturity and judgement I faced being your friend. I could be happy with myself and my choice to not rekindle friendship, because I knew I was better without you.
You will not be the last. I know I will go through life and find genuine people, but they will be few and far-fetched. I will have to leave many more friends behind, learning lessons each time about who I am, what I believe, and who I want to become. So thank you to those of you who I left, and thank you in advance to the ones I will leave.
You have helped me now more than you ever did when we were friends, and for that I am truly grateful.
