We met in elementary school and were instant friends. Our sisters and our moms became friendly, and so did we. You were my closest and oldest friend. We played together, participated in school plays, dressed up in silly costumes and put on plays, drove around in a wagon, swam on the swim team, took swimming lessons, had sleepovers that would last days at a time and stood by each others side in even the hardest of times. You were the pretty friend and I accepted it. Everyone always wanted to be around you because of your huge heart and even bigger personality. No matter who you hung out with, I knew that at the end of the day, you were always there for me and always had time for me. Even when we liked the same boy in the sixth grade, we did not let it get between us instead sharing our mutual interest and becoming even closer because of it. We ended elementary school and started the scary journey of entering junior high. We spent the whole summer dreaming up what it would be like and how we get through it and even though we were so unsure of it all, we knew that we would do it together. Somewhere along the way, we saw less of each other, our once close friendship became distant, weekends spent together became far and in-between as you navigated a whole new world of popularity. I tried to keep up but I couldn’t. We managed to get through high school still being decent friends and even at the beginning of college we still talked here and there but I knew deep down that we were not the friends that we used to be. As college went on, I saw pictures of you doing things and becoming someone that we always swore we would never become. I looked at those pictures and barely recognized the person in them. I watched you from a distance becoming an entirely different person someone who I barely knew. Part of me was really sad because I knew our friendship was probably over. We have seen each other through the years but each time we did it never felt quite right, there was always a feeling of something missing, you were a thousand miles away and I was stuck here all alone. I stopped talking to you because I felt and still feel like I am not good enough for you to have in your life. I have always felt like I was in your shadow watching you shine while I stood back and watched. I am not that kind of person and it took me so long to realize it.
I was always the last resort someone who if nothing better came along that you would bother to call, I think is what hurt the most to know that I had been replaced. I used to be the first call you made, the one you told everything to and now I know nothing about you or your life. It hurts to know that we just grew apart. I am not even sure how it happened but it did. I took you off of social media to see if you would notice and just recently I heard that you did, that honestly was just so amazing that it took you this long to notice. There was a time that it would have really bothered me but now it doesn’t. It’s life. I’ll admit that I miss having you around, sharing stories, having inside jokes that no one else but us gets, talking about boys, laughing and just being able to have a friend like you. I’ve changed a lot over the years and I often wonder how different my life would be if you were still in it. I hope you are doing well, I see you are doing big things with your life, I always knew you would! I am sorry that we grew apart and I wish that we could have done something to fix it and maybe one day we could but for now, I am going to continue to be me and when you are ready, I’ll be here and open to what you have to say. Until then, I hope you are doing well.
