I know you’re tired. You are so exhausted with life. Each new trial is pulling you deeper and deeper into an abyss of hopelessness. And you just keep looking for your flashlight, constantly worrying that it is going to run out of batteries.

You are broken and bruised, beaten and tore down. But here you are pushing, you are dragging your feet, but you are still pushing. Your eyes burn from the steady stream of tears that have been falling, but you can still see.

You are still alive; you wonder how, but you are. Every morning you tell yourself that if you can make it through the motions of today, then tomorrow will be better. But there have been numerous tomorrows and they aren’t getting better.

I hate you. I hate that you are a part of me. I hate that, because of you, I tend to look for the bad in every situation. I hate that, because of you, I think everyone is out to get me. I hate you because I am the only one who truly sees you. Few people know about you, and unfortunately, they have seen you appear. I hate that I have to face the repercussions of your actions because the world does not separate us.

I hate that you have grown to be such a huge part of me, that sometimes I believe that we are one. In a way, we are one, but sometimes I have to remove your presence from me. I will never understand why you were created. Why it was necessary that you became a part of me, but you are here, and I am learning to accept you and welcome you as a piece of my being.

So to welcome you, I need to thank you. Thank you for teaching me to be strong. As much as I hate when you show yourself, we always come out on top. Each disappointment and setback we have faced allowed us to grow. And although you cause me to be overly hesitant in most situations, I realize that you are only trying to protect me.

Only we know the pain what we have endured, the gut-wrenching feelings of rejection and disappointment. Outside people may see our struggle, but they don’t feel it the way we do, and they don’t understand us. But that is OK because those who are supposed to understand will.

I need to accept that you are not my problem; you were created because of my problems. You were created to allow me to cope with them. Sometimes it isn’t pretty when you show up, but our life hasn’t exactly been a beauty pageant. We have seen some stuff that we really didn’t need to see. We have vivid images of unpleasant experiences placed in concrete frames, hung up on the mantelpiece of our memories.

We have witnessed abuse, in the physical and emotional form. We have watched marriages crumble and have endured the miserable aftermath. We have watched drugs and alcohol steal our loved ones away from us. But because of these things, we will be better prepared for the future. We will not put ourselves in these vulnerable situations. And although we will never be able to erase these pictures that are etched into the core of our being, we can use our experience to guide those who are suffering through the same misfortunes.

You are such an important part of me. We don’t have to hate each other. And even though your existence inside of me developed because of heartbreak and disappointment, you make me, me. We are a team, and sadly there are no substitutions, so we have to keep playing until the last buzzer sounds.