Dear "Chubby Girl",
I know how it feels – sitting in class surrounded by petite girls, feeling like Pumba in a sea of Timons. You’re only seven or eight, but you’re wearing juniors and women’s clothing and possibly wearing training bras. The girls at school shop at Justice, but you can’t imagine fitting into their tiny little outfits. I know how this feels, because I was there. I was the chubby girl up until I became a teenager, but today, I still feel like the chubby girl. I am here to tell you the truth about being the chubby girl. It may be harsh, but it is important to hear. But, throughout this letter, just remember one important piece of information: despite how you feel or what people may tell you – you are beautiful, and no one can take that away from you.
My story starts at age, well, zero. I was a huge baby. I was so fat, that by six months my mom couldn’t carry me anymore. My face was so chunky that I got a rash on my cheeks. I had so many fat rolls that they needed to be cleaned to avoid infection. As I got older I remained heavy, but I was also tall. I was unable to wear normal kids clothing. I didn’t fit into jeans, so I wore sweatpants or dresses until I was 12. I shopped in the juniors department starting at age six, because girls clothes were too slim for me – unless I shopped in the girls plus section. I did, but it still just was not the same. I remember in first grade, all of the girls were small and petite. I sat next to a girl that was only about four feet tall, while I towered over her at about five-two. On top of the chunkiness of my body, my feet were wide. I wore a women’s size two in Kindergarten. And, while the inability to fit into the clothes all the girls were wearing was harsh, the harshest part of being the chubby girl is the fact that puberty starts according to your weight. I had boobs big enough for a training bra by age seven. I had hair on my legs at age 10, and my period at age nine. It was embarrassing. I was so far ahead of all the other girls, and I hated it. I want to be a kid, but I didn’t feel that I could. Then, I turned 12, and everything changed. My body began to take on a more “womanly” form. I grew into my body. I was still a little heavy, but I lost a lot of weight as I grew a little and my body took a different shape. I could wear jeans and dress like all the other girls. I fit in.
I wasn’t seen as the chubby girl in my teen years, but I sure as hell felt like it. I knew I wasn’t the same girl as I was in third or fourth grade, but I couldn’t help but shake the image of me as the chubby eight-year-old. As the years went on I continued to struggle with my weight and body image. I packed the pounds back on after high school, and slowly began to doubt that I was ever meant to be skinny. After a few years struggling with my body, and telling myself that I didn’t have to be the chubby girl forever, I joined the gym and made other lifestyle changes, and I lost 45 pounds. I am still not perfect, and still think of myself as the chubby girl, but I’m happy with my body, and I have learned a lot on my journey to this point in my life – lessons that I will now share with you.
First of all, other people suck. Not all people are bad. In fact, the majority of people you meet in life are good, but there are those who thrive on belittling others. Typically, these people are insecure about themselves, and they channel their insecurities on others to make themselves feel better. These are the people you don't need in your life. Don't even give them the time of day. The people who pick on you are the people that want to see you sweat. The more you let them see that their actions and words bother you, the more they'll do it. Ignore them, or stand up for yourself. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry. Be big. Be brave. Let them know that their words only make you stronger. Besides, if they really didn't like you, or if they truly had a problem with you, would they even take the time to talk about you? Think about that.
Secondly, you will grow into your body. Right now, your body is still in kid mode. As you get older, your body will change shape. You'll get taller. You'll become more "womanly" in your figure. I found that I lost a lot of my little girl fat once my period started, and you'll probably find the same thing happening to you. Plus, as you get taller, your body makes more room for you. Your body will continue to change over the rest of your life as you experience different things. Remain optimistic. This, more than likely, won't last forever.
It's hard to be confident if you really don't like who you are, but confidence is key. Confidence will make the haters jealous, and it will also make the boys notice! Simple things like smiling, maybe wearing an outfit you particularly like can make your day so much better. If you feel beautiful, you'll look beautiful. Being able to be happy with yourself when you really aren't is hard. I did it for years, but, at the end of the day, it can make those who pick on you feel even more jealous. There is a lot of talk about "societies beauty standards" and being "body positive", and people might have their own opinions about it, but it's true that the more positive you feel about your body, regardless if you really like it or not, will make you at least seem more confident. It's OK to fake it. Even after losing so much weight, I still feel like the chubby girl. It's a hard thing to not see after seeing it for so long. I even fear that all my hard work will go away with the single nibble of a cookie. Let that go, and eat that damn cookie with all the confidence in the world.
Outer beauty fades. All those “pretty” and “thin” girls that pick on you? Look them up when they’re middle aged and had a few kids. They’ll be Botox and plastic and fake, because beauty doesn’t last forever. Sure, some people are lucky, and they’re attractive their entire life. Other’s are ugly ducklings that turn into beautiful swans. Then, there are some that age anything but gracefully, and who knows? That girl that is calling you “fat” might be “fat” one day herself. Then, we’ll see who is laughing.
You are the most important person in your life. Do things for one person and one person only: yourself. Do what you wanna do. Be who you wanna be. If it makes you happy, why should anyone else care? It’s OK to want to change who you are, but it is also OK to be happy with yourself. At the end of the day, you happiness is the only person’s happiness that matters.
No one is 100% happy with who they are, and no one is 100% perfect. It’s OK to doubt yourself. If you wanna make a change, do it. But, remain optimistic! Things will change. You’re young, and you’re got a lot of growing and changing to do. So, remember what I had told you. Things will get better. Don’t listen to the haters. Be confident, because who you are is beautiful.
Sincerely,
Nikki -- a girl who was once "the chubby girl"
