I'm from Texas. I understand there are bugs here. I've lived it. But in Waco, there are plagues. Actual real life plagues of crickets. The Biblical kind of plagues. At night, the ground is covered in a thick carpet of these nasty, chirping pests, and the sky is filled with them. In the morning, the concrete is littered with dead bugs, and the smell is ridiculous. So, on behalf of every grossed-out student here at BU, I've decided to write the crickets a letter.

Dear Crickets,

What have we done to deserve you? Why are you so determined to ruin our lives? Do you realize that you've made me run this week? More than once? That is unacceptable. You are disgusting. There is no reason that my university should have to email me about bugs, but here we are. You are annoying. The other night, my friend opened her textbook and you jumped out of it! Do you realize how rude that is? Do you have no manners? Also, if you don't want to get squashed on the road, DON'T GET ON THE ROAD. I realize the lights from the tennis courts are very pretty. I understand. But they aren't worth risking your lives. We hate your gross squashed bug bodies as much as you do. Please leave altogether. You're making my out of state friend regret his college decision. That is inadmissible. Obviously, since you're dying and being stepped on every day, you must not enjoy it here. It would make everyone's lives so much easier if you left in peace. We hope you understand. It's not us, it's you.

Sincerely,

A very irritated student